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| What is true consideration? read here. unknown 26 Aug 08 4:43PM | Thread Closed |
If one of the main themes of life is:
" That selfishness for oneself eventually leads to misery. You stay selfish and be inconsiderate of others then you'll wind up very depress and alone somewhere with melancholy music playing in the background."
Okay, then some people start wising up and start being more kind to others and giving to charity then they get a taste of meaning and joy while still doing the dumb trivialities/nonsense in their lives. But in the end, they wind up unhappy why is that?
If Full selfishness= leads to misery
and Full Consideration = leads to complete bliss.
Then one have to ask oneself? okay.... I'm being charitable, I'm being kind, I'm helping other people out. That's great. or is it?
This is the reason why many people are still on prozac despite practicing being "kind" so they can be happy.
What scale are you doing your kindly acts? Are you doing it on the scale of True Goodness or are you doing it for - You...i.e. sense gratification/ just to feel good.
If doing charitable acts and being unselfish for oneself or for another person so you can "feel good or be happy" eventually leads to misery, then the real question is -
" Whom am I doing these charitable acts for ?"
Now that my friend is real intelligence.
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| re: What is true consideration? read here. Isabelle5 26 Aug 08 4:59PM | Thread Closed |
Seems way too easy to say people are depressed and on Prozac simply because they tried helping others. If you have no heart to help, don't bother. There are a million and one ways to get ourselves depressed, including thinking about our own sadness and comfort way too much of the time.
We don't get enough sunshine, we forget to use our muscles to sweat, we eat junk food, we watch junk tv, we hang out with depressing people and have a shit job.
That is why people are depressed, not because they help others. Shoot, if they are sad because those they help aren't groveling in thanks at their feet, they Deserve to feel bad about themselves!
I don't do 'kindly acts' on a regular basis just to feel good. I do it when I see a need that I can help with, I don't go hunting for things to help with. My company has volunteer programs and I used to be involved in the Children's foundation part of things. Did it make me feel good? NO! I made me feel as if I was contributing and wish I could do more, it opened my eyes to needs I was not aware of but I did not feel either elation or depression about it.
Who gave you the idea that helping people leads to misery? That's crap, that's not true at all, unless you're a sucker who's been helping the kind of person who will suck it all out of you then ask for more.
Your last line isn't intelligent in my view, it's just another selfish thing that will lead to depression because your own soul is empty. Seriously, a person with something to give will never be made to feel bad when giving with an open hand, only one who gives grudgingly.
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| re: What is true consideration? read here. Isabelle5 26 Aug 08 5:18PM | Thread Closed |
By the way, when I say "YOU" in the comment I left, I don't mean the person who started the thread, I'm talking to those who think they deserve to feel happy every time they put out a hand to help. Don't want to offend the poster.
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| re: What is true consideration? read here. smugzy 27 Aug 08 12:51AM | Thread Closed |
Interesting thread. And a topic I've spent a reasonable amount of time pondering over, in my efforts to strike the right balance between being kind and being totally walked all over!
I've come to the conclusion that feelings are there for a reason and should be trusted. If I start to feel resentful about time/effort I'm putting in then I consider why. Sometimes it's because someone is taking advantage of me. Sometimes it's just because I'm spreading myself too thinly, getting worn out and not giving myself enough time to relax.
It's all about setting boundaries, giving yourself and your feelings true consideration and being reflective. I'm starting to get it right these days but spent far too long saying "yes" to everything.
It's also about knowing why you want to help someone or do something "good". You have to acknowledge that you're doing it because you want to, not for any other gain, and then you have no expectations of gratitude or return. It is after all a gift. And that's when the sense of satisfaction comes in, having made a conscious decision to do something purely for its own worth.
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| re: What is true consideration? read here. smugzy 27 Aug 08 12:52AM | Thread Closed |
...pretty deep for first thing in the morning.......;-)
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| re: What is true consideration? read here. netskyIam 27 Aug 08 1:02AM | Thread Closed |
We must define "selfishness" before we find any common ground.
In one sense, selfishness is entirely healthy and vital.
In its extreme, it is destructive and will result in depression, eventually.
Lookie, I know this is shallow sounding again: but it is entirely well to be "selfish"
by giving comfort to others. You get your strokes by doing good. That's the validation and that's the be-all: love yourself so you can pass love on to others;
validate them and support them. That's not "charity"; it's gratification, gratification where no one loses. And it costs nothing and feeds everyone's emotional needs.
Everybody is needy and needed.
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| re: What is true consideration? read here. Mongrol 27 Aug 08 1:18AM | Thread Closed |
I think the point is a little moot. To benefit general 'society' by 'unselfish' acts of 'charity' one benefits oneself always as all things are connected, and the causal strands of motivation and result are one in the same thing.
One can never remove oneself from the equation, though pure altruism may exist momentarily, and without cynicism, but a true act of charity benefits everyone, including the self.
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| re: What is true consideration? read here. smugzy 27 Aug 08 1:32AM | Thread Closed |
It's not always that clear cut is it Mong?
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| re: What is true consideration? read here. netskyIam 27 Aug 08 2:29AM | Thread Closed |
> It's not always that clear cut is it Mong?
I think it is that clear cut. And I think that the only unselfish act is to give, knowing that your life will be instantly extinguished in result (soldier, police action, firefighter, rescuer of a child or helpless person) when you act. For then you get no strokes, but died doing the right thing. This is the only way, I think, to be selfless and truly altruistic. I won't go looking to do it, but if it came, so what: millions of people have given their lives to give you all you lives today. And what do some of us do? We complain and internalize and fritter away our time and potential with little non-acts of doing nothing.
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| re: What is true consideration? read here. smugzy 27 Aug 08 2:44AM | Thread Closed |
Yes I see your point. Dying for someone is the ultimate selfless act. I'm just trying to say it's not always about receiving "strokes" as you put it. Sometimes, I do things so I won't feel guilty about not doing them.....or for some other weird motivation that doesn't have a lot to do with me feeling good about helping someone else....or is that selfish too? Probably.....
Would you call yourself a spiritual person Netsky? Just curious.
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