Thread
| Who is in the wrong here? unknown 13 Oct 08 8:00AM | Thread Closed |
Situation:
My ex boyfriend of four months is refusing to believe that I have split up with him for good, he will not let go of his feelings for me and consequentially feels very sad whenever I am around him.
We have the same group of friends, but whenever I walk into a room where they are, he walks out, or curls up in a ball looking 'depressed' (he's 17). This obviously causes rifts in the group and general tension.
Today, I, being generally sick of his lack of ability to control his emotions, went quietly into a room where they all were and hid, talking to some of my other friends, where he could not see me. Eventually however he did notice me, and was upset. At this point I had to leave anyway, so made a dash for the door. I made it there first, but he came up alongside me and barged past, slamming me into the handle of the door.
Personally, I think that I was being stupid, immature and cruel, and thoroughly deserve the spreading bruise on my shoulder, but I can't help wondering if he too has some blame. Would be interested in any thoughts.
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| re: Who is in the wrong here? Isabelle5 13 Oct 08 8:19AM | Thread Closed |
Can you talk to him? Can you tell him straight out that he's losing any respect you had for him as a friend? You do not ever deserve physical abuse and I'm not sure you were being cruel, you just were sick of his immature behavior, but of course, he's only 17, he isn't mature yet.
How old are you, if he is only 17? He will let go of his feelings very quickly once he meets another girl.
Was he your boyfriend for 4 months or did you break up 4 months ago? That isn't clear.
Good luck. This is a difficult age and it's hard to know how to handle this kind of stuff, isn't it?
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| re: Who is in the wrong here? netskyIam 13 Oct 08 8:22AM | Thread Closed |
He is seventeen and going through the most difficult hell-time of any human's new existence. Forgive what cannot be helped, but by your hugs and clear eyes, saying:
it will be all right in time.
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| re: Who is in the wrong here? netskyIam 13 Oct 08 8:28AM | Thread Closed |
post script; and if he says, and i speak in the metaphor, nearly,
"Release me!", then you do that instantly, and add, only, "OK, but know: I am to be though of as you best friend, for forever."
And he will require years of time to understand. But by then, he will be married and in bondage to some woman and his kids, but he will know: 'I have a buddy forever, and he, is a she, her...."
No clinging vine, you, not ever. It is for the best for you, for him, for ever.
r.
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| re: Who is in the wrong here? unknown 13 Oct 08 8:30AM | Thread Closed |
yeah, um, y'know senility?
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| re: Who is in the wrong here? unknown 13 Oct 08 8:30AM | Thread Closed |
Thanks Isabelle, I'm 18, but he's only a month or so younger, so same age really.
I split up with him four months ago, we went out for 6. I have tried to talk to him, I spent five hours doing so a week ago, attempting to make him understand that I do care how he feels, but that I wasn't happy in the relationship and couldn't carry on. He just won't accept it.
Also, he still holds a grudge from about two years ago against a girl who went out with him for a matter or days. Won't speak to her and says he it still hurts him to talk about it, so I think this is one wound he won't let heal for years.
I feel responsible for him, but also mildly annoyed that he can't control himself enough to allow our friends not to feel awkward, I let that side get the better of me today, which has probably sent him into another bout of depression.
*sigh*.
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| re: Who is in the wrong here? Mongrol 13 Oct 08 8:31AM | Thread Closed |
Straight clarity is your best path now Net. Acceptance may not come easy - for either of you - but clarity and a fixed certainty of what you have said and why is the truth and solution.
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| re: Who is in the wrong here? Mongrol 13 Oct 08 8:32AM | Thread Closed |
oops i said 'Net' gawd knows why i read the first post by Netsky.. well I didn't just typed it there.
Net on the brain. A brain net.
blush :)
I meant UNK, of course.
;)
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| re: Who is in the wrong here? unknown 13 Oct 08 8:32AM | Thread Closed |
And netsky, I think that if I did that, he would never let go of hope we will get back together (which we won't; when I make my decisions, they're final). I have told him I'm still his friend, but it's probably better for him to hate me...
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| re: Who is in the wrong here? netskyIam 13 Oct 08 8:37AM | Thread Closed |
> And netsky, I think that if I did that, he would never let go of hope
> we will get back together (which we won't; when I make my decisions,
> they're final). I have told him I'm still his friend, but it's
> probably better for him to hate me...
He won't 'hate you'; but it takes years for a man or woman to grow up.
The thing is, our bodies mature to sexual need, much faster than our brains can possibly grow so wise, as fast.
It is the ever-repeating story, of every generation of reflecting primates, since we took to two feet, two arm, and too much of even those mere tool, to know how to handle others.
when we were very young.... aa milne
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