this is really very good, I see a beauty in it that I rarely see in poetry. in most poems I would tell you to capitalize the 'i's, but I think it does justice to this in the way that its almost symbolic of a more natural way of life, and also the destruction of ego. I love the idea behind this, and I have a few comments to tidy it up a little. first, I think 'i found it went to great lengths' would be better in L4, and 'and at once became calm' for L8. overall, very very good, kudos on this. keep up the good work, I enjoyed this.
thank you for the comments shelbys, really appreciate them. i agree with the changes but after some deliberation will leave this one alone as they are the words that came out and so are the words that will stay. using 'went' instead of 'going' changes the next line a little for me, and adding 'at' in line 8 adds a meaning that i didn't really intend. 'at once' is sudden. anyway, i'll reread next logon and see how it is hitting me. thanks again.
disregard previous. shelbys your spot on and this reads better thanks
you were lucky
Sounds like a nice metaphor for perhaps a parent or gaurdian? I enjoyed it.