poetry critical

online poetry workshop



the example of Rodney Dangerfield
hank

Rodney Dangerfield died today
 1
i wasn't much of a fan of his;
 2
that is i didn't much like his act
 3
but i wish him well where he's going.
 4
 
 
we grow old against our wishes
 5
we abuse ourselves;
 6
against our body commit indecencies
 7
of cigarettes, caffeine, comedy and beer.
 8
 
 
if i wished to be old i would stop all this
 9
the foolishness of drink;
 10
cigarettes by the truckload
 11
but even Rodney's stubborn body made it to 82.
 12

6 Oct 04

Rated 8 (4.5) by 1 users.
Active (1): 5, 8
Inactive (3): 1, 4

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Comments:

Hmmmmmm.... this is a nice comment.
I would actually re-visit for CAPitalization at beginning of certain lines and stronger punctuation and line breaks.
Overall, this is great.
 — aforbing

uninspired waste of words.
 — unknown

This is not exactly poetry but it's a gentle tribute to life and living - oh, yes, and to Mr. Dangerfield.  
 — Isabelle5

Hehe I like this. Trying to look for some hint of sexual innuendo, but I fail to see it here. I think it's a sweet reflection on life, especially liked the second and third stanzas. Not a bad effort hank boy.
 — unknown

I salute you for this, Hank. Finally someone wrote a tribute to Rodney not expecting to get paid. That's real heart.
 — unknown

Why Rodney?  Even posthumously...HE GETS NO RESPECT.
 — themolly

good point. a lesson for all you health nuts. all the wheatgrass and echinacea in the world won't save your skinny little asses from the reaper.
 — ollylama

You can't just write anything at all, break it into four line stanzas, and call it a poem.  This is just a bad paragraph randomly distributed to look like a poem, but there's nothing poetic about it.

I can see your point about caffeine, beer and cigarettes, but how is "comedy" an "indecency against our body".  That's just weird.

Aside from that, Rodney contributed a lot to the world despite any "bad habits" you think he had.  And 82 is a pretty good run.  He made millions of people laugh in a world with too many miserable, overly judgmental people in it.  Sorry, but this poem makes you sound like one of them.
 — unknown

Hey--this is a good comment on the man that "got no respect".
Even in death, he still gets NO respect!!
 — aforbing

Where he's going... hell? And you didn't say anything about COCAINE. You know rodney did a shitload of coke. Look at him touch his nose.

Not much of a poem, though.
 — ramher

I hope i do too,but i very much doubt it,my excesses are against me.
 — larrylark

nice
 — Precious_W

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