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SECTION 18: scuba moose[winkle-orsonist/shatner(zan)slack consumption and oscillation prayer]
onklcrispy

and joey valve

...also last christmas when  Ruzena “Zanaskova” Rudnika navigated her way through caramel caverns and succulent stalactites of oozing nougat using only the magnetic polarity of her monobrow and memories of the intense funktonic stank molecules that had festered in the wet hotness between Relja “Zan Pjer” Basics wooly scalp and the burlap hat, tailored by Jerzy “Thomas Zan” Radziwilowicz
 1
 
 
snug and warm and complete with flappy earflaps
 2
 
 
inside
 3
there was a note that read:
 4
“All I ever wanted, was to hear the words ‘How was your salad sir?’”
 5
(See reverse side for installation instructions, if problem persist, please contact the main office for a personalized description of ‘Thom’*)
 6
 
 
 
 
SECTION 17: ADMIR GLMOCAK(ZAN)’s GREEN GHOST {armadillo-12}
 7
 
 
dixiecup riddles reverberated in the figurative gizzard of Aljosa “Zan...Sluga” Vuckovic
 8
 
 
veins quivered
 9
 
 
throbbed in his eyes
 10
 
 
swelling to the size of garden hoses
 11
his obsessive hyper vigilance, triggered the yodeling of 52000 turkeys
 12
 
 
which may have existed only as an auditory hallucination
 13
 
 
 
 
rhombic photophosphorescent ctenophores
 14
floated to the earth around him
 15
from ethereal nostrils of heavenly moai
 16
like highly radioactive autumn leaves...on fire
 17
 
 
Aljosa insisted
 18
(to nobody in particular)
 19
that it was he, who voiced the inch high private eye
 20
 
 
Don Adams be damned.
 21
 
 
so be it!
 22
 
 
long gone
 23
long gone are the days of standing in the courtyard
 24
looming fir trees  throat-singing
 25
in affirmation of his existence
 26
 
 
only months before
 27
that very courtyard
 28
punctuated with the thrashing of shapeless black beasts
 29
in crimson stained thorn bushes
 30
did friend Slobodan “Zan/Jovan Todorovic” Djuric
 31
(after several intenseive rolfing session)
 32
did engorge several of his air bladders with various gasses
 33
did curl his toes and fingers backwards
 34
did whisper: “UT!” to himself
 35
 
 
then:
 36
Slobodon, just floated away
 37
 
 
adrift
 38
 
 
only to appear, minutes later
 39
at the 1942 Bearded Poodle vs. Bearded Vulture Hula-Hoop Hootenanny
 40
in the aisle of P’oppo
 41
where the famous coat resides
 42
where the trains are a brilliant plastic
 43
where the big bottle of sody, can be drank
 44
where you can speak to a miniature version of yourself
 45
in the uniquely lit tavern
 46
 
 
 
 
“IT’S OFFICIAL: UNO!”
 47
 
 
among the collosal buzzing heads
 48
of defeated kovacsizan ernie-bots
 49
stands the frazzled Fragglepuss(3 time winner of the crayola crown)
 50
 
 
“unofficially uno;” he says to a nearby deck of cards
 51
“it’s time for me to cancel my membership
 52
to the minnesota association of rogue cylons”
 53
 
 
so be it!
 54
 
 
 
 
“IT’S OFFICIAL:ALPAHBLITZ! See page B2.”{armadillo-12}
 55
 
 
fire lurches, and howls, and hisses inside the soot soaked fireplace
 56
as if satan were dancing within the flames
 57
playing his fiddle
 58
manipulating it’s fracas
 59
 
 
smell of roasted apples and scorched tobacco
 60
hung in the air like freshly spun liverwurst
 61
 
 
hung in the air above Bora “Hermaphropuff Zan” Todorovics head
 62
 
 
he sat
 63
surrounded by the coarse fabric, of one of the most uncomfortably upholstered chairs:
 64
 
 
-the texture of fuzzy cement
 65
-a balding goat, after rigor mortis
 66
 
 
-bareley sharp, steely bristles
 67
-frayed foil teeth
 68
 
 
short sleeves, or shorts meant doom in a chair such as this
 69
 
 
Bora sat
 70
and thought about what would the howl of an inside out dog sound like
 71
 
 
Bora sat
 72
contemplating the pungent air
 73
 
 
Bora sat
 74
cheeks reddened by the flames-
 75
eyes narrowed
 76
watering
 77
 
 
fingering the ear of the severed head that sat on his lap
 78
 
 
 
 
[[{{{KABBA KONG}}}]]
 79
Super!!Super!!
 80
gorilla monkey with hands mountains
 81
thirsty s'il you to drink pleases
 82
somewhat, its beverage!
 83
 
 
because don't that you also did
 84
if you cannot make damage, then do not
 85
 
 
make bon changes in landscape at laughing color and much
 86
d'élasticité in helecopters
 87
and you for dinners c'était that qu'hurler
 88
the sugar factory of the children
 89
 
 
such as the fresh cheeses
 90
perfectly admirable volcano
 91
zanfred be much and sanwhickes free zan have where you this
 92
such as you treated would like it expires
 93
and of the universal truths to speak
 94
 
 
goo boo!
 95
[[{{{KABBA KONG END}}}]]
 96
 
 
  
 97
(*not ‘Thom’)
 98
Fat kid, Mischa “Zan, the hunchback” Auer
 99
with hair like banjo strings
 100
pockets full of obliterated fig newtons
 101
kicking a broken tonka around his back yard
 102
pale yellow weeds crunching beneath his keds
 103
giggling and snorting
 104
completely oblivious to the shapeless black beast
 105
thrashing about in the crimson stained thorn bushes nearby
 106
 
 
“You have all the charm and charisma of a festering, maggot ridden donkey cunt.”
 107
spoke the wounded creature
 108
 
 
these words reverberated in Mischas literal gizzard
 109
 
 
twenty years later, yet simultaneously
 110
(during the grand opening of the ELEVATORIUM)
 111
these very words were spoken to him
 112
by a frowning deck of cards
 113
as Mischas toyed with an antler found in his neptune salad
 114
 
 
 
 
EPILOGUE-buldada{armadillo-12}
 115
 
 
de-staple you genitals from the st. bernards face and climb aboard necroamphibulatory gyrocopter, grab a slice of rainbow pie and watch in horrified glee at the madcap sorrow of Orson and Joey as they enlist the mildly entertaining anthropomorphic antics of  Magilla Gerbillah and the Not-Ewoks in their battle against the anus enlarging deviltry of pispanian corporate sponsorship- NOT since their commemorative plate collecting antics with their pal Goofazurus did self mutilation and dinners with your mother qualify as such appealing masturbation fodder, ah yes, it’s out of the rehab and into the urine soaked alleys for these two... so slap the zoloft out of your daughters mouth and haul ass to the clitoribus this christmas and
 116
 
 
...also last christmas when  Ruzena “Zanaskova” Rudnika navigated her way through caramel caverns and succulent stalactites of oozing nougat using only the magnetic polarity of her monobrow and some other relentless agonizing obnoxiously insane bullshit
 117
 
 
 
 
(B2-please note: a miniature naked Rodney Dangerfield chants over a crystal skull somewhere in papua new guinea)
 118

3 Nov 04

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Comments:

http://www.imdb.com/F ind?select=Characters&for=zan&Go.x=17&Go.y=0&Go=Go
 — onklcrispy

of course. glad to have you back.
 — ShelbyS

O.M.F.G!
 — unknown

^_^
No objections to the use of the word "cunt" here.
I won't even pretend to know what's happening, but
I have a friend named Bora.

And I'll just pretend that Slobodan refers to Milosevic,
and Chernobyl somehow.
And that shatner refers to William.
Love banjo strings in 96.
Love 15.

*hearts*
-wendz
 — unknown

Im sooooo lost.
 — madderhatter

pah don't think that by including popular cultural references like
inch high private eye
crayola
and monkeys
[phwoar]
that i'm gonna love this
cos i'm not
it's lacking in umbrellas

ah
bugga you.
i love this.

it's much better than spiders, soap and bells too.
damn.
 — kaleidazcope

you are all  glorious-we shall appear in a painting together someday-bukkets of cookies for all
-orkni churpsis
 — onklcrispy

"...self mutilation and dinners with your mother qualify as such appealing masturbation fodder"

Dude, you've got problems. Thank goodness.
 — capnorange

Nightmaringly boring.  I could imagine being read this in a torture chamber after all else had failed.
 — unknown

Dear unknown commenter,
Please fuck me.
Onk
 — onklcrispy

of this poems radio...-
.....bright black moon........the movies have taken our language........
 — baldeinstein

wow im lost...ill reread it maybe comment later
-unfabulous01
 — unknown

"if problem persist?"
 — unknown

Looks like script from a cult. Cults are cool.
 — FangzOfFire

?
 — unknown

but what does it all mean?
 — omega

good question!
 — onklcrispy

Wow so long its simply awesome like a letter from the mother in law cutting you ouy of her will cus you murdered her daughter.
 — larrylark

If I were to take the works of 3 published czech poets and dump ém in a big pot of lentil soup, then pour it all over a handfulla scree I believe it would look like this "poem".
Is this what you did, Onk?
 — unknown

no. not yet.
 — onklcrispy

l106 should be "mischas'" since it's posessive
l113 at the beginning should be "your genitals"

That said, I can so completely identify. It's mostly well-said. But in my opinion, you could use a few more punctuations in some places and capitolise certain proper nouns, though I see why you don't. I would also suggest that you bring your unreal aspects (like peoples' nicknames) closer to the Earth in the interest of making the entire poem relate to us a lot more. However, from the comments below, it seems that I might be one of the few people here who gets just about everything you said.

So let me say this: go over the poem with a fine combing device, preferentially irradial with superfluous intoxicants on standby. Nit and pick as much as you can. Ignore the mighty exsufflicatious insinuations of the nimble Kerouac: what works for him doesn't work for me. Polish your work until it glistens like a thugster's gold incisor. Trust me- it's what you want.
-zep

P.S. Why aren't you published? Is it because you're not a poetry professor at a small liberal arts college in the midwest?
 — zepplin42

[C:/transmogrify/programs/runkrispese.exe]

Supe rimposed green undulating phantasm!  If aliens took off faces and proved Heidelberg's uncertainty principle less certain, this would still shimmer like popples in an oil spill!

Disorganized salutations from the pinched butt-cheeks of squad #903: bumblefuck, lower pispania.

GLøRP!!
 — root

too much work.
 — unknown

tweeked/edited 12/23/05

fanks.
 — onklcrispy

http://www.imdb.com/Ch aracter?zan

this was to be the original link--may help to clarify--

--who i am i kidding
 — onklcrispy

I wish I could give this an 11.

I laughed out loud most of the way through (especially 63-78), even though most of this is simply unrelentsurprismagorificaiton.

That's as close as I come to being able to tell you anything you might hope, or deserve to hear.  Thanks.
 — root

I would love to hear about your process of writing poems if that's a story you care to tell.

If not here you are welcome to email me.
 — root

man this is soo random but awsome. a fav 4shor
 — tearsofblood

the mighty onkly. id spit an polish his lenses to live in his world. the time it takes to lick my fingers.
 — unknown

the mighty onkly. id spit an polish his lenses to live in his world. the time it takes to lick my fingers.

kaleidazcope
 — unknown

Someone's taking the piss...
 — unknown

un fukin believable

this reminds me why i must only have sex with with complete idiots

(btw: your a bit slow today)

Luba
 — unknown

This is good.
 — unknown

Reminds me of the monologue by Crispin Glover in the beginning of "Dead Man". Amazing combinations and comedy...a bit too filled for the content. Seems like you were stoned and wrote 'til you ran out, but I doubt that somewhat because it is very intelligent. Tiring though, maybe I'm too tired for it right now. I love the antler in Neptune salad and inclusion of Moai but that needs a better inclusion--also the tiny detective and the tiny image of oneself reflected. Wow, the wee folk get some time! Exaggerated genius unique but...hmmm...fumes? -C
 — unknown

onkl, your mind scares me, but in a good way.
you have perfectly expressed a dream i had a couple of nights ago here.
umm ... thanks (?)
Eso
 — Esoteric

read first stanza and have no inclination to read the rest- utter bullcrap
 — unknown

you shat this out didn't you? not poetry at all
 — unknown

plz tell me what the hell fig newtons are
 — unknown

tour de force? farce? farsi?
hell who cares. come here now, love, my left tit is engorged and already letting down. quick. dont think dont hoard the bloody words any more! suck suck you will become immuno-protected and pseudo-undetectable at once!! infallibly phallic and at it. OH mamaliga stuck in the crack of my mameluco!! My name is YellSin of OOlcous and  I wear velcro pez instead of fishflakes.
 — unknown

see me outside!! now!! Ed!!
 — unknown

Hi onklcrispness - there are some gems 'n'nuggets amongst the avalanche of detritus but you need to refine and refine to get the sublime from some of the ridiculous .... 117 is an example that could be isolated and expanded. It's cool to let the brain freewheel ((p)harmaceutically or otherwise) like this... I have hundreds like this but I keep them in a shoebox and edit them in the cold light of day... hugz... Mitch :-)
 — pdemitchell

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