| tires create words
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spaces
| there are grey clouds | 1 |
and shitty gravel roads | 2 |
on the way back from | 3 |
Austin to Baton Rouge. | 4 |
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Texas is mostly flatland, | 5 |
absolute monotony: | 6 |
feed stores, dirty | 7 |
linen on lines | 8 |
and discount cigarette | 9 |
joints. the usual | 10 |
landscape to hypnotize. | 11 |
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flashing yellow lines | 12 |
bleed togther to act | 13 |
as backdrop to the | 14 |
depression of state; | 15 |
Texas is a long | 16 |
dusty grievance, | 17 |
and no one to salve. | 18 |
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after awhile, traveling | 19 |
is only moving... | 20 |
a constant litany | 21 |
of sky tree | 22 |
and asphault gashes; | 23 |
a forced stillness of body | 24 |
reflected ever restless. | 25 |
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29 Nov 04 |
Rated 8 (7) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (2): 6, 7, 8
(define the words in this poem)
(56 more poems by this author)
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Comments:
for some reason, just reading this poem gives me the feel that i'm driving along with you.
maybe it's the ampersands and trolling periods.
anyway, i liked this a lot. very good.
— psychedelico
I agree. This is one of the few times where your structure compliments the contents. The uniformity of lines and broken detached pieces convey the feelings that the words are speaking.
— silentscream
I'd definitely agree with Psychedelico that the cadence here is perfect for driving, and overall the poem works well. I do adore the line “a constant litany of/sky & tree.”
The only thing I would suggest looking at is line 6. While there is nothing intrinsically wrong with “monotony after monotony,” I'd rather experience that through the poem than be told it through the narrative voice. I'm not necessarily suggesting repetition here, but just more; feed stores and discount cigarette joints are great, but I know there is more that can be done in the 2d stanza. Billboards, oil wells, water towers, endless asphalt and rocks... you know.
Thanks for a great poem,
— mikkirat
thanks for the advice on line 6 -- you were spot on. i fixed it, i think -- i'm pretty pleased with lines 16-18 now.
(i'll use any silly excuse to use th word 'litany'. it's arbitrary & aesthetic of me; but it tickles me poetic fancy. :P)
— spaces
Sounds more like a geography lesson than a poem. What is the point your trying to get over .To write a good travelogue on the road poem you need to hit the reader between the eyes .This limps along in the slow lane.
— larrylark
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