| His and Hers Decomposition
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psychedelico
| The sovereign reckoning | 1 |
between teeth and flesh | 2 |
torn from evening's crisp bites | 3 |
of future and famine | 4 |
chills me from the inside out. | 5 |
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Clairvoyantly, I feel | 6 |
a man a thousand miles away | 7 |
whose carnal failures | 8 |
rip open my once-sealed | 9 |
cavity of conscience. | 10 |
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I | 11 |
am | 12 |
obligated | 13 |
to destroy this | 14 |
because | 15 |
I'm sick, | 16 |
love. | 17 |
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He sits in a cardboard shelter | 18 |
hugging his vices so dear; | 19 |
needles and mirrors | 20 |
lull him to a sleep, | 21 |
that eternal sleep, | 22 |
from which | 23 |
he'll never awaken. | 24 |
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And me, too far to make | 25 |
a dent in nature's flawless execution, | 26 |
but too close to deny its | 27 |
omnipresent effect on | 28 |
my own posterity-- | 29 |
yes me, I walk on dirty nails | 30 |
and conquer compost heaps | 31 |
to emulate the squalor | 32 |
of macabre love. | 33 |
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I await the advent of morn | 34 |
when his corspe will | 35 |
be returned to the soil, | 36 |
while I make a mess | 37 |
out of all this mud. | 38 |
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30 Nov 04 |
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(define the words in this poem)
(29 more poems by this author)
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Comments:
i don't get it.
— unknown
who are you? & why did you make such pointless statements on two of my poems? if there's something in particular you need explained then pinpoint it. otherwise, don't bother being redundant.
— psychedelico
There is a lot to really love about this poem; the voice is clear, decisive, and cutting, which makes it a joy to read. My only concern is that some of the word-choice feels a bit too elevated (or academic) for such subject matter, which is more resigned, bitter, and angry. Not that I would suggest deleting or replacing all of these words, but just some to tone it down a bit: sovereign, clairvoyantly, omnipresent, emulate, macabre and advent tend to stand out.
Excellent work, though. Thanks,
— mikkirat
yes, i wasn't sure if implementing higher vocabulary would enhance or distract from the point of this. i left those words in simply because i didn't know what other words to use. i know that sounds strange, but i'm more prone to be overly-specific than general.
i'll consider revising, but i still don't know where i'd begin. if anyone would offer a second opinion or suggestions, i'd greatly appreciate it.
— psychedelico
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