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Eastern Connection
larrylark

A river boat floats out
 1
to the  mysterious east.
 2
Aboard, a manage a trois,
 3
artist, lover and husband.
 4
They approach exotic places
 5
slipping slowly by.
 6
Colours, smells, strange sensations,
 7
soak into their pores.
 8
Seas, jungles, moons and mountains
 9
drenched in dreams,
 10
until, in the farthest reaches
 11
of a green sea they arrive at an island
 12
of such intense beauty
 13
that they sail straight past,
 14
so absorbed were they in contemplation.
 15
The wife looked round,
 16
her husband had gone,
 17
never to be found,
 18
while the artist disappeared
 19
into the mirror of his own illusions.
 20
She dived deep into an indigo ocean
 21
to play among dolphins,
 22
seals and other exotica
 23
that resided there.
 24
Close your eyes, go to that place,
 25
its easy to imagine,
 26
but remember, grip tight the bars
 27
that chain your mind
 28
or you may leave your life behind.
 29

8 Dec 04

Rated 10 (8) by 1 users.
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Comments:

There is a lot to like in this; the poem is fairly rich in detail, and there is a mystery in the three characters which I am glad is not explained.

I do, however, find the shift in voice from a purely observational to almost didactic tone in lines 25-end unsettling.  It leaves an aftertaste which does nothing for the poem.  I'd rather leave this poem still picturing the wife swimming alone.

Thanks,
 — mikkirat

Dear Mikkirat

Thank you for your perceptive and helpful comments which i shall consider most carefully

Larry mmmmm. Lark
 — larrylark

enjoyed the slow ease of the journey, but also felt the shift to the moral of this story is...need to trust the reader?
 — badger11

Dear Badger

Lot in what you say. Maybe the end is a bit preachy

Larry
 — unknown

larry i will comment l8r
in the meantime
its menage a trois
 — unknown

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