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The Sweetest Things in Life
EdwardDurden

Couples all around.
 1
Boys with beer.
 2
I smell flowers as a tight skirt passes by
 3
And as a concert moshers falls over I think of buying some cookies.
 4
The music loud and my heart screams louder.
 5
Three others with me at the table.
 6
A girl across from me, pretty smile and pretty hair, feeding on her lip of lies.
 7
A guy next to her talking about patenting a candy, waving his hands around as if casting a spell.
 8
And a gal to my right, leaning against the window, grinning slyly, hand moving across her chest.
 9
I shudder internally and take another sip of my beer.
 10
If only I could find a way out of..."Hey Grace.  Outside?  Sure..."
 11
Never did an overcast shirt seem so fitting.
 12
Outside.  We step outside.
 13
The music muffled between the walls but the breeze still carrying the lies.
 14
Outside, we walk, we walk and talk and live.
 15
This is the fun.
 16
Not jumping or running or drinking or sin.
 17
The fun, the life, was in understanding life's "why".
 18
We spoke of all the things that really mattered most,
 19
Like life and love and happiness and then the Holy Ghost.
 20

To Freeway People, Audio Adrenaline and Grace.

21 Dec 04

Rated 5 (7.5) by 1 users.
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Comments:

I read another poem of yours, and someone commented that you do a lot of telling, not showing.  I agree with them on some level.  You've got really good ideas and good subjects, but sometimes it feels like there are too many words.  Poetry like this definitely has its place, but remember that sometimes less is more (I know that sounds cheesy, but it's true!).  A poem is sometimes perfect when there's nothing else that can be taken away.  
 — shiloh

Starts interesting, positional stuff tedious (L7 to 9); I prefer juxtapositions rather than explanations.

poetry : 'feeding on her lip of lies'

explanation: 'The fun, the life, was in understanding life's "why".'

Trust your audience, or at least your poetry.
 — unknown

Jesus is this one sad poem. If thats all you can find to talk about then you'll be 75 before you know it and wasted your whole life talking and thinking about something that doesn't even exist.

Larry heathen Lark
 — larrylark

i like this one. not sure why though
- your fav neighbor
 — unknown

.
 — EdwardDurden
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