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The Dead See All
EdwardDurden

So when we die, we see it all.
 1
From a heavenly seat
 2
From high up we see people move
 3
So high up that you see the remains of discarded thoughts.
 4
I find people paying taxes and spanking their children.
 5
I hear others think about quitting smoking and banging their sisters.
 6
I see and I hear people living out their lives,
 7
Until I see a man, on his knees, feeling guilt.
 8
I find him next to a man faced down, in a puddle of beer.
 9
I hear him thinking why and I can't believe...
 10
I look at the fallen man, his head cut open,
 11
I look at the other, beer in his breath,
 12
And under his knees, a broken bottle.
 13
The lying man had a familiar scar across his face.
 14
I put my hand on my own face
 15
And followed the scar with my finger
 16
Until it ran into a deep cut.
 17

26 Dec 04

Rated 7 (8.5) by 3 users.
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Comments:

This is really good. I like the connections. And it has a raw feeling to it. Once again does that make any sense?

M & M
 — stellarskys6

I didn't feel it until near the end, when I realized you are seeing yourself and you must have died.

Can you get rid of some of the "white noise" words?  If you told it from a view of thinking you know what it's like to be dead - how you suddenly feel as though you know what people are thinking and you think you might be dreaming - not about how people are thinking of sex with their sisters and such but what your own friends, the ones you think you're partying with, are thinking.

I think that would make it much stronger when we find out why you can suddenly know.  I like the idea, just not the way you've presented it.
 — Isabelle5

this poem is the best damn poem ive read in all my life. nothing can compare to  your skill.
 — orange

.
 — EdwardDurden

It's an interesting poem but lacks that grip. It goes by a bit too fast and there's no real time to build up to a climax. I think you can be a bit more graphic in what you see and hear. There are thoughts that people have that you would probably never know. Try to go to the extremes of the human mind.
 — unknown

i liked it. it was like "shocker!" your dead.. i get it. i thought it was way cool.
 — popyelle

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