poetry critical

online poetry workshop



Burning Bridges (One Horse)
Rynne

You escaped from this place.
 1
This place you called
 2
‘a one horse town’
 3
with such vileness, as if
 4
you’d been the one violated.
 5
 
 
I watch your bridges
 6
burn
 7
and fall
 8
into the river
 9
when you leave.
 10
 
 
You don’t look back
 11
as I watch you go.
 12
I only need one horse
 13
to trample the remnants
 14
of anything we have left.
 15

30 Dec 04

Rated 7.5 (7) by 2 users.
Active (2):
Inactive (1): 6, 6, 9

(define the words in this poem)
(71 more poems by this author)



Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha

Comments:

Rather unique and creative.  I appreciate the nuances backed into this brevity.
 — Isabelle5

WOW! This is most excellent.  (did that sound like Bill & Ted or what?)
I would tighten up the last stanza--it doesn't have the punch that the rest of your poem does.
Also... don't start your lines off with "And"... it is far too wimpy.
In addition--pay attention to your CAPitalization.  Not every line needs a CAP.  Only the first line of each thought/sentence really needs one.  You've let that go and it shows.
Overall, I stand by my original stance.  This poem is the shiznbibbs.
 — aforbing

This poem is really excellent.  I wonder, though, if "Lies" is strong enough to end the poem.  While I suspect the author might be married to the idea of this word being exactly what he/she wants to say, I think the poem would be stronger if what was "trampled" tied in with the themes  horse-burn-ash-writing-bridge... could "lies" be something written on a page?  Missives, broadsides... hmm.
Excellent work.
 — mikkirat

aforbing-- you are right, I copied the whole thing over from MS word without thinking about the automatic capitalization that program does. It wasn't intentional. A few things have been changed.

I am undecided as to what to do with the last three lines. I want it to stay relatively simple. The last line in particular is what is tripping me, as mikkirat agrees.

Thanks for the comments!
 — Rynne

This would be so much better without the first two lines.
 — InMyBlood

Yes, last line is a bad point. I have this written and re-written in Notepad, so when I decide what the heck I'm going to do with this, I hope I will be happier with it. Thank you for suggestions!
 — Rynne

I made some major, major changes to this. Is it better?
 — Rynne

Recent Best (expand)
0.469s