| i still have the bottle. here's one of the tablets.
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gnormal
| other side of the glass | 1 |
a homeless guy stopped | 2 |
rummaging trash. | 3 |
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he'd found a brown | 4 |
glass bottle of tablets, | 5 |
squinted at the label, | 6 |
took one! | 7 |
and left. | 8 |
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stood up from my table | 9 |
and ran out to see | 10 |
what did he take | 11 |
(so carelessly!) | 12 |
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GRAPEFRUIT FLAVORED CHEWABLE | 13 |
APPETITE SUPPRESSANTS | 14 |
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i stare at my soup. | 15 |
event in the past. | 16 |
those little suckers | 17 |
work fast. | 18 |
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(lychees look a bit like grapes and grow in clusters. they taste like grapefruit. i wonder if they were originally the fruit that was called "grapefruit" until one day someone noticed that the large citrus fruit tasted like the grape-fruit, and over time, the citrus fruit stole the name of the grapefruit, which is now commonly called lychee.) |
8 Jan 05 |
Rated 8 (8) by 1 users.
Active (1): 8
Inactive (2): 7, 9
(define the words in this poem)
(173 more poems by this author)
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Comments:
Interesting. In a good way.
— claudia
your not supposed to take grapefruit with zanex. love it. ty.
— hank
Interesting, as Claudia put it. I can't say if it's in a good way or bad. It's just... interesting.
— Dead
or is it zanex with grapefruit?
— hank
I like it, as the rest said...interesting
— Adrielle
Fantastic A-grade title. Nice to see you posting again. Best work you've done in a while, this. Very nice work.
— unknown
I like the idea but I don't find the way it's presented terribly appealing. Line 8 - did he pass you, pass gas, pass out...?
— Isabelle5
lychees taste like flowers..
— unknown
I really want to say that I love the irony of this poem. The fact of a homeless guy getting appetite suppressants is so convoluted on many levels. It's just a wonderful creative idea to put forth. I pity the poor guy but the poem is good. In fact, I changed my rating over the course of the day as I read it more.
— Isabelle5
sex by mouth
— unknown
I love lychees.
— unknown
incessantly peculiar. this is Gnorm that I enjoy, the minimalism has never spoken to me. the footnote is necessary too. nice job on this one gN.
— ShelbyS
There is a calm sort of humor here which I think is wonderful. I think the clever rhyme scheme could account for that, as this is not even closed to forced. The exclamation point after (so carelessly!) is ever so enjoyable. In fact ...
... favorite. You do a good job at giving a lot to think about. It's a nice little story with some deeper meaning, which is hard to accomplish.
— Opinion
It's very different
— unknown
very interesting indeed, funny, unusual, and a breath of fresh air.
— callingcard
Very original work! I think grapefruits were first called greatfruits :-)
- Justine
— unknown
thanks.
true story, btw.
— gnormal
L1 from me
seemed a bit much, though according rhyme.
consider:
other side of the glass
a homeless guy stopped
forking through trash (or the trash)
additionally L18 the rhythm could be improved.
perhaps
working real fast?
some type of nifty modifier for fast, i think, would not detract at all.
fast...
that's great
— unknown
thanks for the way out of the awkwardness.
— gnormal
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