| Sucking Me In
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SweetPain
| You're like a drug spinning me into an intoxicating | 1 |
pleasure. | 2 |
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The world around me is a maze of colour and | 3 |
sound. | 4 |
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You've turned me into your own personal crack | 5 |
whore. | 6 |
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9 Jan 05 |
Rated 5.7 (6.6) by 3 users.
Active (3): 3, 6, 7, 7
Inactive (8): 1, 6, 6, 7, 8, 9, 9
(define the words in this poem)
(108 more poems by this author)
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Comments:
Love this !
— SweetxMemory
If someone ever turned me into a crack whore, I'd hope they offer rehab too.
— pennylane
Simple and striking. However, I would consider changing the title into something less obvious.
— sorill
no need for line 2
— unknown
Stick to lines 1-2. Line 3 is demeaning to the feeling.
— unknown
no, i don't agree, i laughed, it's great.
— hank
i hope i made it better :). thanx for all the critiques!
— SweetPain
so simple but so GOOD!
— unknown
i love this poem omg its amazing !!!!:).
— unknown
i love how u use the words, i know what u feel.
— unknown
I love it
— Adrielle
haha, this is short and cute. its original i can certainly say that. not the old ways of addiction, that i know.
— unknown
come on critique this, i want feed back!!
— SweetPain
does ne one know what this poem is about?
— unknown
LMFAO!!!! this is great. it is funny and original. i live for this kind of poetry.
— unknown
suggestion 1: correct the mis-spelling of "you're" in |1. i hate to read a poem in which the first word is spelled wrong.
suggestion 2: enhance the imagery a bit. you have a good idea here, but it's a little bland and empty.
— AEOS
love the last line
— tragicbubble
thanx for all the comments
— SweetPain
well love is a bitch isnt she.
— unknown
love it!!!
— Lillythepoo
thankyou lillypoo.
— SweetPain
I like it, but is seems to short, unfinished somehow
— Darkfollower
maybe, but i'm not a crack whore so i dont really know how this would feel.
— SweetPain
You should choose an analogy with which you are more familiar.
It will help tighten your metaphor.
I'd like to see what you come up with.
— Krttika
yeah. need to tighten it up a bit.
— mould_jesus
it doesn't feel finished, honestly.
it feels like three lines for an unfinished piece, like a chunk of a poem.
it's got potential-- draw more images, and more emotion, and i think that you could really have something with this.
— shakeit
it seems as if i need to do that with all my poetry. thanks Krittika, mould_jesus, and shakeit.
— SweetPain
yo!!!! id have to idmit tha i do like this hats off to yo ma friend
— MsNewBooty
thanks, and hats of to yo 2.
— SweetPain
harsh, but beautiful. funny yet deep. like the sbutle contrasts.
— crismonblue
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