are like scarecrows,
they cannot hurt you."
It cannot hurt me.
It's no longer
attached to his body.
Through slatted fingers
I stare at the limb
as my free hand
reaches toward his
blood spattered hat.
I want to make sense of it all.
Grandma says it will
never make sense.
She just wants
his skin scraped
from the front of her house.
13 Jan 05
Rated 9 (8.1) by 3 users.
Active (3): 8, 9, 9, 10, 10
Inactive (22): 1, 5, 5, 6, 6, 7, 7, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 9, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10
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(17 more poems by this author)
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This is so horrendously gory that I love it! Especially the line about what Grandma wants. You're a ghoul...
This is truly awesome.
Wow. This is even better than Visitor Q.
Did this really happen ??
Yes, SweetxMemory, it really did happen. I tend to write poetry out of my experiences. Thanks for the positive comments. ~Q~
This sounds so very real, can picture it
so gross, and weird i like i like.
Interesting. There's a lot to like about this. It's got powerful imagery; it implies much and has a feeling of backstory, of action somewhere in the background, but leaves it for the reader to color it in for themselves. I like that.
L1 I don't think it's really necessary to have the title as the first line, if that's indeed what it is. It's more a distraction than anything else.
L5-7 I always like a descending thought, if done well. I think this one is. It mirrors the action being described nicely and helps the image. Nice.
L11 This line seems a bit sparse... it might be helped to have a bit more description about the sister, not anything excessive, but just a little bit more. A suggestion only.
L19-20 I'm not sure why the line is broke as it is here. The thought is broken up unnecessarily, it feels awkward to me. Perhaps:
She just wants
his skin scraped
I suggest that because it has two complete thoughts in the two lines, instead of one being stopped short in 19 and then continued on in 20. Again, merely a suggestion.
Overall, nice work. Strong image, good macabre and yet sorrowful feeling. Well done. Welcome to the site.
Really.....? This disturbes me...But it is in a good way
I see that your top rated poem(at the moment) isnt the only good one you have. I liked this one a lot...Another good one!!
i c dead ppl
wow, this too is awesome! (; great jorb! (;
btw, gave u a 10.
scarecorws scare me.
oh man. this is a craZy scene. is it true?
The unusual chronology used to disclose events is admirable. The subject matter is shocking and I did not like it however your composition establishes a distance whilst drawing the reader in and the result is truly awesome!
This is fantastic with an absolutely brilliant last stanza. Perfect 10 and in my favourites
why is it that i love your poems so damn much?
stop being so good, give some lesser mortal a fair go
i can't help but like this. in my favorites, you made me do it.
though i don't like "my sister vomits." it sounds to expectant. that might just be my opinion, though.
it makes it lose its poetic feel, i guess.
you might have wanted that
this is really powerful, but change the title pleeeeeeeeeeze
don't change the title!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wonderful. Dead people are people too. This makes me shudder/smile. Line 15 says it all. Exquisitely controlled.
Really excellent! I like the reference to scarecrows. This poem dosen't scare me. It seems to chase my demons away with its realism. It's like the day after a battle when everything becomes clear in the day light and we just have to deal with the facts.
but, i'm afraid of scarecrows, too!
vivid and yet detached the same time. talented work.
this leaves me wondering what the hell happened to him.
i like it.
just another reminder that ,yes, speed kills. actuall i would want what grandma wants. after all, how long can you leave the skin there. good descriptive writs
how did the skin get on the wall how did he die? ooh! scary! I LIKE IT!
what about "Through slatted fingers" in line 10?
it's a fine poem just the way it is.
Unless of course the dead body is now a zombie. Zombies are fast. 10/10
Oh! Interesting. I like the creative structure too!
can't put my finger on it but I love this.
This is interesting but I don't really feel it.
The way you positioned L4-6 gave it a nice touch. Deft you might say.
The ending is just plain wicked. I like it. Sort of.
ooh. nice imageryy. =]
I'm a fan of dark poetry
and you've written this well..