| Dead People
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Quichemarie
| "Dead people | 1 |
are like scarecrows, | 2 |
they cannot hurt you." | 3 |
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I cautiously | 4 |
step over | 5 |
his arm. | 6 |
It cannot hurt me. | 7 |
It's no longer | 8 |
attached to his body. | 9 |
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Through slatted fingers | 10 |
I stare at the limb | 11 |
as my free hand | 12 |
reaches toward his | 13 |
blood spattered hat. | 14 |
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I want to make sense of it all. | 15 |
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Grandma says it will | 16 |
never make sense. | 17 |
She just wants | 18 |
his skin scraped | 19 |
from the front of her house. | 20 |
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13 Jan 05 |
Rated 8.3 (8.1) by 8 users.
Active (8): 5, 6, 7, 8, 8, 8, 8, 9, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10
Inactive (16): 1, 5, 6, 7, 8, 8, 8, 9, 10, 10, 10
(define the words in this poem)
(14 more poems by this author)
(6 users consider this poem a favorite)
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Comments:
This is so horrendously gory that I love it! Especially the line about what Grandma wants. You're a ghoul...
— Isabelle5
This is truly awesome.
-noodleman
— unknown
Wow. This is even better than Visitor Q.
— Evi
Did this really happen ??
— SweetxMemory
Yes, SweetxMemory, it really did happen. I tend to write poetry out of my experiences. Thanks for the positive comments. ~Q~
— unknown
This sounds so very real, can picture it
— BlkJeans
so gross, and weird i like i like.
— unknown
Interesting. There's a lot to like about this. It's got powerful imagery; it implies much and has a feeling of backstory, of action somewhere in the background, but leaves it for the reader to color it in for themselves. I like that.
L1 I don't think it's really necessary to have the title as the first line, if that's indeed what it is. It's more a distraction than anything else.
L5-7 I always like a descending thought, if done well. I think this one is. It mirrors the action being described nicely and helps the image. Nice.
L11 This line seems a bit sparse... it might be helped to have a bit more description about the sister, not anything excessive, but just a little bit more. A suggestion only.
L19-20 I'm not sure why the line is broke as it is here. The thought is broken up unnecessarily, it feels awkward to me. Perhaps:
She just wants
his skin scraped
I suggest that because it has two complete thoughts in the two lines, instead of one being stopped short in 19 and then continued on in 20. Again, merely a suggestion.
Overall, nice work. Strong image, good macabre and yet sorrowful feeling. Well done. Welcome to the site.
— dandy
Really.....? This disturbes me...But it is in a good way
— meghanmidget
I see that your top rated poem(at the moment) isnt the only good one you have. I liked this one a lot...Another good one!!
— crazy
i c dead ppl
— unknown
wow, this too is awesome! (; great jorb! (;
— ducktape
btw, gave u a 10.
— ducktape
yay!
— mr_e
scarecorws scare me.
— unknown
oh man. this is a craZy scene. is it true?
— tiedtoes
The unusual chronology used to disclose events is admirable. The subject matter is shocking and I did not like it however your composition establishes a distance whilst drawing the reader in and the result is truly awesome!
— Kauf
wow.
— themolly
This is fantastic with an absolutely brilliant last stanza. Perfect 10 and in my favourites
— larrylark
why is it that i love your poems so damn much?
stop being so good, give some lesser mortal a fair go
;)
— Lia
♥
— unknown
i can't help but like this. in my favorites, you made me do it.
— listen
though i don't like "my sister vomits." it sounds to expectant. that might just be my opinion, though.
— listen
it makes it lose its poetic feel, i guess.
— listen
you might have wanted that
— listen
this is really powerful, but change the title pleeeeeeeeeeze
— kitkat
don't change the title!!!!!!!!!!!!!
— unknown
Wonderful. Dead people are people too. This makes me shudder/smile. Line 15 says it all. Exquisitely controlled.
— graceinmtl
Really excellent! I like the reference to scarecrows. This poem dosen't scare me. It seems to chase my demons away with its realism. It's like the day after a battle when everything becomes clear in the day light and we just have to deal with the facts.
— Riverwriter2
but, i'm afraid of scarecrows, too!
— unknown
creepy
— unknown
vivid and yet detached the same time. talented work.
— SteelAngel
weird.
this leaves me wondering what the hell happened to him.
i like it.
— mould_jesus
just another reminder that ,yes, speed kills. actuall i would want what grandma wants. after all, how long can you leave the skin there. good descriptive writs
— coodaygraw
how did the skin get on the wall how did he die? ooh! scary! I LIKE IT!
A LOT!
— unknown
urgh horrible.
— Meep
reworked.
— Quichemarie
what about "Through slatted fingers" in line 10?
— Quichemarie
it's a fine poem just the way it is.
— unknown
Unless of course the dead body is now a zombie. Zombies are fast. 10/10
— Henry
Oh! Interesting. I like the creative structure too!
— misterpoet
can't put my finger on it but I love this.
— gem_grrrl
This is interesting but I don't really feel it.
The way you positioned L4-6 gave it a nice touch. Deft you might say.
The ending is just plain wicked. I like it. Sort of.
— DeformedLion
ooh. nice imageryy. =]
— chelseyjo
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