poetry critical

online poetry workshop

Remember When Being Beautiful Was Enough To Get You By?

We'll bury the dead among the living.
Carcasses, mounds of them, reminding them
of how ruthless your methods of romance prove.
Death, the outcome of it, wearing thin
as we inhale the travesties and festivities of love.
Unequivocally beautiful, adjective-sponge,
and admired by all your prospective lovers.
You stain your nightgown to prove a point,
but your innocence was what I admired most.
Controlling myself while you control another.
("Whose funeral next week? Why, of course,
I'll have another drink to your name...
for that's all I have left.")
Wonderfully stated, Senator.
Her politics are fraudulent an
d faithfulness her ally. I best
owed upon you compliments
so empty I can't remember n
ow whatever triggered them.
The difference between this a
nd how it used to be is minim
al, but I'd still like to rememb
er you as being the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen.

22 Jan 05

Rated 5 (7.6) by 6 users.
Active (6): 5, 6
Inactive (15): 1, 2, 3, 3, 6, 7, 7, 8, 8, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(20 more poems by this author)

(7 users consider this poem a favorite)

Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha


amazing, i'm in awe
 — tragicbubble

 — ducktape

 — duffyj83

i love the word usage.  it makes me feel the flow and word order run through me.
 — sassybnyss

Wow this is really really good!!!
 — unknown

sure is!
 — unknown

enjoyed it
 — unknown

Just ending the HTML tags. Shouldn't be different from usual font now.
 — FangzOfFire

quite good.
 — mould_jesus

I am very impressed
 — Gray

this is a deep poem. it has a powerful meaning to its words.
 — unknown

I dont like the word break up in the third stanza. It really took away from the experience for me.
 — Cloudless

I read this poem months ago but never commented on it for some reason.  This is an excellently written piece.  It flows well and I particularly like the incorporation of dialogue thoughout.  The line breaks in the last stanza are interesting and the last line is perfect.

The only thing I would consider revising would be the stanza breaks.  L1 could be joined on to L2 as it relates and directly refers to it.  L10 could flow on from L9.

Nicely executed.
 — Dheroan

more more
 — unknown