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Be Thankful Hearts Aren't Made Of Glass
dmartin

Slit wrists and still talking,
 1
calmly screaming at the top
 2
of insignificant lungs and
 3
aching at the bottom of an inconsolable,
 4
yet so well re-stitched heart.
 5
 
 
Left to think:
 6
Doesn't it always happen this way?
 7
 
 
History repeats itself,
 8
every story relatively the same,
 9
every blade relatively sharper,
 10
with every glance-away perfectly timed
 11
on my mouth's rubuttal.
 12
 
 
Here I know:
 13
No words can salvage this wreck.
 14
 
 
Lucky for me that I will have lyrics
 15
that will speak for these zippered lips.
 16
The humming and the soft piano will keep
 17
the somber mood set by the moon and streetlights
 18
against the darkness of my room.
 19
 
 
It will be written:
 20
Love is never more than just a word.
 21
 
 
But when swollen eyes awake to see
 22
the horizon lift a soft orange sunset to the sky,
 23
I'll burn photographs and inked paper
 24
and never cough from smoke inhaled.
 25
I'll be glad neither truth nor lies can truly break a heart.
 26
 
 
I'll be thankful for:
 27
Hearts made of stone.
 28

26 Jan 05

Rated 5.5 (7.3) by 4 users.
Active (4): 8, 10
Inactive (5): 3, 3, 5, 7, 9, 9, 10

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Comments:

Pretty good technique, but the angst makes it kind of passe (no offense).
 — cuishanying

The sentiment is universal, I would think but I really love the lyrical way this tale is told.  It isn't the usual howl of pain.  It's got an intensity but it is told with beauty and integrity for the mood throughout.  Not easy to refrain from breaking into a "woe is me" mood but by gosh, you did it!
 — Isabelle5

I wish my words would come out like this.
Justine
 — unknown

I gave you a 9
Justine
 — jusmat

Not bad.
 — noneisreal

i agree with isabelle5, love the angst and its done quite nicely, which is a compliment because i hate hate hate woe is me poems
 — tragicbubble

The delivery of the entire thing makes it very intense; it was just a pleasure to read it. I can't wait to read more of your stuff. I can't even pick out my favorite part because the entire thing impresses me.
 — Dead

I really liked this one. It's somewhat comforting, I like how your words somehow captured and expresses comfort and it's somewhat dark, yet there's no evidence of you seeking sympathy or giving any away. I would love to be able to write like this. Definitely a favorite, thank you.
 — asianpearl

thank you for the comments, i'm fairly proud of this piece, so please give me more comments or ideas on ways of improving this.
 — dmartin

I've been reading through your work--->
You're very talented.
This is a great piece.
I like the bitter taste
and strong images.
I have to say,
the title has me thinking of Blondie--->
and though I dig them,
I don't know if that's what I want to ponder
upon reading your poem.
Well done.
 — Krttika

i want to love this and i only like it. it isn't that it isn't well written, but rather too written. well. you write well. this is the second comment i've given like this today and perhaps i'm just in a mood, but i think there is too much descriptive language here and somehow that serves to distance me from the piece a bit.

this is a crit, not an indictment. i think you've let your innate talent as a writer and observer run over your talent as a poet. does that make sense? sigh. shoot me.
 — noodleman

no rating yet.
 — noodleman
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