| The Horse of Freedom lost
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SweetPain
| She runs | 1 |
she runs with grace. | 2 |
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She eats | 3 |
she eats with hunger. | 4 |
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She plays | 5 |
she plays with joy. | 6 |
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She dies | 7 |
She dies with a harness on her back. | 8 |
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26 Jan 05 |
Rated 7.7 (7.6) by 5 users.
Active (5): 6, 8, 10
Inactive (9): 1, 4, 7, 7, 7, 8, 8, 8, 9, 9, 10
(define the words in this poem)
(108 more poems by this author)
(1 user considers this poem a favorite)
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Comments:
okay, this is an interesting poem. Actually, wait--yes, this IS pretty interesting. Nice short poem with an absolutely wonderful sense of the horse's point of view. Simple yet satisfying. (;
— ducktape
Interesting hidden meaning.
— claudia
Sad! But come to think of it, we pretty much all die in the harness.
— Isabelle5
thanx for all the comments :)
— SweetPain
Simple and striking.
— unknown
comment some more please!
— SweetPain
You can't force comments! Let them come to you when they come. Otherwise, it's just plain annoying.
— unknown
It is indeed interesting. Marvelously simple yet full of truth.. variable interpretations all lead to the same conclusion: there is no true freedom. Kudos. A healthy creator you are. -netsky-
— unknown
im amazed! this was some stupid thing i had to make in french class.
— SweetPain
I didnt know how many meanings it actually had.
— SweetPain
Wow! I really like the way it flows - its great. The only suggestion I have is that horse in the title is not needed, maybe just - Freedom Lost - why restrict the meaning of the poem? No matter though...great poem.
— majoraward
How about she dies, she dies with faith? Drop the lost.
I understand though if you are feeling that and needing to express something disturbing.
Check this out: My poem "Ground Floor Essence" was right above yours in the Recently Commented column- totally unintended by me.
(It's to do with Horse also). Perfect synchronicity.
— C
thanx a lot for all the comments .
— SweetPain
sad, beautiful, deep, dark.
oh, there's a horse?
— unknown
Yes, there was a horse unknown. I orginally intended on working with the theme of letting animals be free, but everyone seemed to find a deeper more universal them that i had not acknowledged.
— unknown
I like this alot.
— Uncriedxtear
thanx again uncriedxtear. you really like my poetry dont you.
— SweetPain
constructive criticism is hard to apply. I'll congratulate you becuase you've managed to relate playing and eating with such complex notions as "joy" and "hunger".(*hope you can discern sarcasm in my comment) The end however is good...
— unknown
Yes i can discern your sarcasim. Thankyou unknown.
— SweetPain
i agree horse isn't needed in the title. removing it will really open the poem out.
the french are great. know this. for i am.
— kaleidazcope
then what shall i re-name this?
— SweetPain
Yeah, I like this poem, it seems slightly strange at the start like a child's poem or sometihing, but you tie it all together in th last line. It is really good. Good stuff mate.
— smiddy
This so so simply good. Maybe add something about sleeping? Like weith innocence, or something? I don't really know. It's good how it is.
— Lia
well a child is writing this, thankyou smiddy and Lia.
— SweetPain
Um? what does that have to do with anything? I don't think I understood your last comment.
By the way, I'm reading all of your poems, and I really like most of them.
— Lia
Gee up clippety clop neigh neigh. I guess Mr. Ed got a good deal and he could talk of course cus he was the wonderful Mr. Ed.
— larrylark
Lovely. Perfect. Striking. Beautiful.
— oksana
Its not GREAT. But its not horrible either. Its rather depressing, when you think about it, its just simple, and pretty much self explanitory.
— marchhare
thanks smiddy, larrylark, oksana, and marchare. and lia, look at the comment above yours mine will then make more sense lol. and thanks by the way i am happy you enjoy my poems, as do i enjoy yours.
— SweetPain
I love this poem. It's so filled with joy and responsibility, kind of.
— Isabelle5
thanks, Isabelle so sweet.
— SweetPain
the freedom of horse lost
i saw her one her back
— crepaway
I think you have a good idea, but the tone itself might be lacking. Maybe write it a little differently? Keep the title because the tone there is appropriate ... maybe match the poem to the title.
— Hear
I particularly liked this.
— Meep
she wanted to write a poem, but she kept saying the same thing over and over again, she needs to choose her words more carefully, she-esh
— unknown
Here's an edit:
Title:
Of Freedom Lost:
[She Runs, She Eats, She Plays, She Dies]
with grace,
in hunger,
of joy,
harnessed.
Of course to change or not to change is up to you.
— unknown
well unknown, we are both saying basically the same thing.
and i dunno, each way version is like apples and oranges.
yours is good, but its not mine and this poem means a lot to me so... i dont think im going to use your version
but thanks anyhow!
— SweetPain
Random poem, great for a Monday morning. Sweetpain, good writing.
— Isabelle5
thanks, i think this is one of the purest pieces i have written.
you are such a sweety isabelle!
— SweetPain
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