| History (Repeats Itself)
|
Quichemarie
| I stand as a ghost | 1 |
with no voice | 2 |
unable to move, | 3 |
flashing back to | 4 |
yesteryears | 5 |
as the smell of | 6 |
CoverGirl was smeared | 7 |
thick and orange | 8 |
across my cheeks. | 9 |
The mean kids called me | 10 |
"Makeup face" | 11 |
but that didn't matter | 12 |
as long as they didn't | 13 |
see the black and blue | 14 |
reality of my wounded | 15 |
face. And now here | 16 |
she is, lying bat | 17 |
tered on the floor | 18 |
and all I can do is | 19 |
open the CoverGirl | 20 |
and introduce | 21 |
the smell of bruises | 22 |
to my daughter. | 23 |
|
26 Jan 05 |
Rated 9 (8) by 2 users.
Active (2): 8, 10
Inactive (2): 6, 8
(define the words in this poem)
(14 more poems by this author)
(2 users consider this poem a favorite)
|
Add A Comment:
|
Comments:
could be great. almost great. damn. almostalmostalmost.
'numb veil of reality' snaps my head back with a cliche shot to the jaw.
otherwise wonderful.
please revisit. i want to love it.
— noodleman
Thanks. That was also the line that I hated, so I appreciate you saying so. I will definitely try to figure out another way to say it without the cliche. How would it read without that line altogether?
— Quichemarie
Oh, I almost can't comment on this without saying Bad Mother! This is so hard to read but it's flatness and lack of drama make it even better than if you'd been raging. The only change is don't separate battered. That takes away from this.
— Isabelle5
i love the separation, personally. very effective.
in line 14, perhaps replace bruises with wounds. that will make the word fresh at the end, and heighten the effect of the dissonance.
more resonant without the line!
— noodleman
this is really neat. 10
— themolly
Wow thats really good!
— lollypop
|
|
|