| I'll Teach You the Guitar
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X
| I'll teach you the guitar | 1 |
after we cuddle on a park bench | 2 |
and watch the sun creep off to recess | 3 |
then lock eyes | 4 |
through the springtime warmth. | 5 |
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I'll teach you the guitar | 6 |
after we craft a precious moment | 7 |
of hand-holding; | 8 |
just to make people cry | 9 |
from the beauty | 10 |
emanating between our entwined fingers. | 11 |
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I'll teach you the guitar | 12 |
after we have our first kiss | 13 |
and let our senses collide, | 14 |
laugh at their headaches | 15 |
and share a chocolate malt | 16 |
on our first date. | 17 |
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I'll teach you the guitar | 18 |
when you wake up from your nap | 19 |
on my chest | 20 |
and I get my fill of your | 21 |
tantalizing fragrance | 22 |
while you slumber. | 23 |
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After we love each other | 24 |
and hate each other | 25 |
and love each other again two minutes later | 26 |
I'll teach you the guitar.* | 27 |
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30 Jan 05 |
Rated 7 (8.1) by 4 users.
Active (4): 5, 7
Inactive (12): 4, 7, 7, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10
(define the words in this poem)
(31 more poems by this author)
(12 users consider this poem a favorite)
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Comments:
This is a nice poem. I like it. (;
— ducktape
Thanks ducktape. :-D
— X
nice imagery
— unknown
That's really sweet.
But it seems more like a chain of events with a few fancy phrases thrown in than a better poem you could make out of this. (That didn't quite make sense, but I think you get the jist.) My favorite was stanza four, and least favorite was 27.
— FangzOfFire
very sweet =) *8*
— SweetxMemory
Thanks for your opinion Fangz and the compliemnt SweexMemory. Fangz, after I get a couple more opinions I'll look into changing the "chain of events" effect, and I see where you're coming from. Thanks again!
— unknown
Haha, I always do that, that was me above =P
— X
I'd get rid of "precious" in line 7. The "beautiful enough to make people cry" thing could work without Lifetime, too awkward with.
Look for stronger, more original verbs. Many poets seem to obsess on adjectives--which, of course, are important--but verbs, that's where it's at.
I like the repetition. This would be a good subject for a villanelle.
— housepoppy
Thank you housepoppy. I'm glad you like the repitition, I don't really anticipate changing it, and I see what you mean about the Lifetime thing. I think I'll take it out and make a poem out of the concept itself. I appreciate you comments.
— X
This poem has made me cry every time I've read it. Something about it turns it into a soft song in my mind and numbs me; I adore the repetition and the sentiment, it reminds me so of Great Expectations. Why, I can't put my finger on, but it does.
Excellent, excellent work.
— mause
Thank you very much mause. I just used some constructive ideas from other critics and tried to minimize the "list" drone to the voice of the poem by taking out a few ands where they seemed to cluster. Since repetition seems to be what people are enjoying, I kept that, and housepoppy, I took the Lifetime concept out. I felt I didn't want the "beautiful enough to make people cry" thing anymore either so I threw it out as well. I'd like to hear what you think of the edits. Thanks everyone
— X
I'm a simple man. "/emanating between..." is too much for me; I'd prefer "of our entwined fingers".
Line 15 "(l)augh at their headaches". I don't get it, otherwise I like that stanza--
like the fourth even more, and the fifth and last best of all.
This one is really shaping up.
— housepoppy
Has she read this? Well. anyway. I'm going to pretend I don't know who the object of the poem is, and say that I adore it.
— Hatsumomo
wicked poem...
— lyom
damn. i want to be taught guitar.
love the poem.
— Lia
this is just so sweet I want to lick it. :)
— kitkat
kinky, hmm?
lol
— Lia
Wow, this poem must be some sort of aphrodisiac. Thanks for the comments all.
— X
This poem made me cry. I've dated a lot of musicians.
Lovely :-)
— rattlesnakes
Just a lovely poem. It really moved me...
— unknown
this is really cute
— sweetlemon
not kinky. it just tastes like strawberry icecream.
— kitkat
aw, i'd like to learn the guitar. my dad tried to teach me but i broke the guitar...lol
— lonelygirl
This poem made me like the idea of romance again.
— scarlet_muse
Sometimes I think I wrote this piece in naive allusion, and other times simplistically to grap a seemingly unreachable moment. Either way, I'm glad it's provoked good thoughts.
— X
Beautiful I'm lovin it!!!
— unknown
I think this is a lovely poem, but I'd love for you to just teach her the guitar. Right now. Not after anything. Maybe during.. :)
— CervusWright
This is gorgeous…I want to marry you!! Sweet, sweet boy.
— winter
Damn it! Just pretend that that last comment was anonymous…
— winter
i love it :)
..alot.\
— unknown
i love it :)
..alot.
— unknown
i thought this was really sweet!! i love it!!
— unknown
ok i dont know if that last comment worked...lol but this is Diana and im letting you know that i love this poem. :)
— unknown
This poem is without words. Its just beautiful.
— mrtvo
no, im pretty sure this poem has words...
— unknown
i loved it
repetition is my favorite
:]
that's why i give it
a
10!
— aprilkutie
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