| Jesus Was An Alcoholic
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prettyinblak
| Kissing the nape of my neck, | 1 |
I can smell the whiskey on his beard. | 2 |
Jesus was an alcoholic. | 3 |
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Caressed the side of my eyes, | 4 |
Crept inside me and | 5 |
Handed me a glass. | 6 |
Poisoned drink means party fun. | 7 |
Jesus was a charmer. | 8 |
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Bathroom door, bedroom floor, | 9 |
Great time, heavenly wine. | 10 |
Unravel my shirt, | 11 |
Unleash your toxin. | 12 |
Jesus was a dirty lie. | 13 |
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Air was crisp, my back aligned. | 14 |
Raunchy hangover with the murder of time. | 15 |
Lasted for hours, and over again. | 16 |
Jesus was my one night stand. | 17 |
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8 Feb 05 |
Rated 6.7 (6.6) by 3 users.
Active (3): 3, 6, 10, 10, 10
Inactive (13): 1, 1, 1, 3, 7, 7, 8, 9, 9, 9, 10
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(2 more poems by this author)
(2 users consider this poem a favorite)
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Comments:
No he wasn't?
— unknown
got a laught out of me, even if it was not ment to. a good laugh though. and I like it all except for the jesus part. but leave it as it is, if you go changing things on others minnor opinions, like that, then it would'nt be your poem
— reet
I dont agree with people calling jesus an alchohalic.!! you should be ashamed.
— unknown
Maybe he was, or maybe the name is that of another person, y'know, named "hey-SOOS,"
perhaps Jesus also had children. Who's to say? Were you there?
For all I care, Jesus was just a really great guy... like Ghandi.
— claudia
I wasnt there. But dont you think thats a little disrespectful to say that about jesus??
— unknown
I see nothing wrong with the Jesus part, bold move, kudos my friend.
— meth_angel
This poem makes a mildly clever play on the name Jesus. I've seen this type of poem before, so I'm not going to rate it, but basically the unspoken power of the poem is that the writer's only connection to Jesus is to this man who looked like him (the beard?) and was possibly even named Jesus who seduced her one night.
The idea is there, its good, but the execution is amusing at best. Its not particularly well written; poor use of punctuation, little use of rhythm, rhyme or meter. You could do much better if you wanted to--the skeleton of a good poem exists here.
-root
— unknown
Well then just change the tittle then please.
— unknown
It's not that bad, but as you said... no point.
— unknown
Umm Jesus wasn't just a great guy. . .last time i recalled he was the savior of the world
— unknown
for some reason or another, i found this very interesting. i dont find this offensive at all, as no one should, but why would you write and post this if you feel it has no meaning? if you took the time to write it than surely it has to have SOME meaning to you.
— duffyj83
I agree, are you saying it has no meaning because you don't want people to think you don't like Jesus? I don't think that's something you should have to hide, it's a free world.
— unknown
You think Jesus was the Savior, unknown? PROVE IT. I'm not saying that I'm anti-Jesus or whatever, but I just think he was a great guy. Who knows, in 2,000 years, people might be worshipping Ghandi, or even storybook characters.
— claudia
Jesus was awhore
— unknown
All bow to harry potter
— unknown
hey guys and girls, thanks for the input.
— prettyinblak
May you in this lifetime learn to know God and feel his greatness. Im sorry that you don't.
— unknown
i like this ... imagery nice, and the double-meaning of jesus and the pronounciation hey-soos ...
lines 5-7 are my favorites, though unraveling the shirt and unleashing the toxin are also excellent.
you have a good touch for imagery and rhythm
— Bloodfetish
change the tittle, because he wasnt an alcoholic
— unknown
omg, enough with the flipping jesus arguments, a poem is a poem, suck it up people, just deal. Jees.
Oh wait.
Jesus!
Clever poem. I like.
--TB
— unknown
Who will be my Jesus today? Who will save me today? Who have I made my God today?
from a Matchbox 20 song:
And I'm so terrified of no one else but me
And I'm here all the time and I won't go away.
Who will be the "Jesus" to take me away from me?
— unknown
i think its very clever. i liked the double meaning plus it did what it was ment to do. it made people think.
— longingdeath
What's funny to me about poetry tetto, is that,
You rarely get to know the person writing the poem,
In any place other than their poem.
So it's hard for me to understand what you motive is for this poem,
But I love it.
10
— lieskilllies
the thing i've always found funny about the classic statement that "jesus was an alcoholic" or "jesus buys me alcohol" is that they could be referring to some homeless guy who, with long hair and a beard as he is likely to have, looks something like jesus in different clothes. in that case it would be true.
i like the idea here, but i don't really like the execution. your rhyme is a bit sporatic; sometimes works and sometimes doesn't.
i like the images and the ideas presented.
i just don't like the rhyme.
— mould_jesus
Your header note kills this for me. Let readers make their own minds up about your poetry. If some think you are being derogatory then SO WHAT!!!!! You will never please everybody nor should you aspire to. Just be sure you are happy with what you have written and how you have written it.
— unknown
what I got out of it was a bad brush with religion... i think i know what you meant
— Cloudless
Or, perhaps Jesus needed a drink, fer if he had one or two, he would have seen no sense in gettin' up on that there cross. Human life, ain't worth dyin' for.
— devilsbelboy
Jesus was an alcoholic.
Eve took the apple and gave it to Adam. Abraham had a concubine, Hagar, was later discarded.
Sarah laughed at the face of god. Isaac. Rebekah was a deceiver, as was Jacob.
Eleven of Jacob's sons sold Joseph, another son of Jacob, into slavery. Moses stuttered.
The Hebrews, god’s chosen people, continually whined. Moses hit the rock twice.
Most of the historic books of the bible tell of violent, gory battle or murder scenes.
Samuel wandered the Hebrews of the dangers of a king, but they wanted one anyway and they got one. Most of the kings were bad, save David.
What’s the point? The bible ain’t perfect people. *slap*
— unknown
this a very good poem. if you look deep enough you'll realize that she is not refering to the Jesus we know at all. 's someone else, maybe someone who she saw as her saviour or she thought looked like Jesus, i like it the way it is. don't change it
— Odin
wow. I hope that you really are 14 because if you can get words out like this now, I can't imagine what you will do when you've got more life experience. This is creative and well written. The only other comment that I have is that I think that beginning each new line with a capital letter is distracting. That is a stylistic choice though....it is by no means incorrect. OK, I lied. I have another comment. Please remove the header. This is a poetry site. You don't know anyone on here. People who can't handle that the name Jesus is in the poem will or will not comment without the disclaimer. This is strong work and you don't need to justify it. OK, now I'm done.
— amy
i'm glad the majority of the comments like this poem
— prettyinblak
Very creative! even though I am a christian.. I am still impressed!
— unknown
This poem is an abomination to alll that is good
— unknown
aye. it's a good abomination. boom boom.
— kaleidazcope
umm humm. 9-13 mmmmmm hmmmmm.
i like.
— noodleman
the last two lines are brilliant. i like this, it has a way of drawing you in.
— aerol
another reason to yawn
— unknown
I knida like this, but don't see what you're trying to convey. Its not offensive at all. I personally teird of comments being made by unknown. I would ignore them if I were you. I guess if you don't have the guts to say who you are, there is no reason to listen to that opnion. I would like to see this longer, a little more in depth. thanks for sharing.
— Trish77
This starts out badly, as you make it sound as though you are the one doing the kissing. Maybe "As he kissed the nape of my neck."
You must mean Jesus, that Hispanic guy downtown. If you mean Jesus the Christ, that would be offensive and I'm sure no one on this site would be that ugly about another's faith, right?
— Isabelle5
Rubbish !!!
— unknown
Oh, at last.. A poem that made me smile and think, 'excellent'. It's been a while. Thanks for that. Well done.
Personally, I think Jesus would like this :)
— CervusWright
I won't judge you for this, only Jesus knows your heart.
— marieF
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