| The Younger Man
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Isabelle5
| She entered on a wink | 1 |
and left with a smile. | 2 |
Shy with strangers, | 3 |
she chose him accidentally, | 4 |
snared by the words, | 5 |
captured by the kiss, | 6 |
catapulted to confusion from dismay. | 7 |
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Trying to age gracefully, | 8 |
content with bowing to the years, | 9 |
now raging against the bonds | 10 |
that hold each tightly to their place. | 11 |
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Going forward, no regrets, | 12 |
no plaintive cries | 13 |
or promises to fate, | 14 |
but closing eyes alone at night, | 15 |
dreaming of his face. | 16 |
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9 Feb 05 |
Rated 8 (7.9) by 1 users.
Active (1): 8, 8, 9, 9
Inactive (12): 1, 6, 7, 7, 7, 8, 9, 9, 9
(define the words in this poem)
(248 more poems by this author)
(3 users consider this poem a favorite)
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Comments:
I really like it! Good job!
— jneiberger
I know who wrote this one...
I mean, who do you think you're fooling YOUNG LADY. (pun intended)
I like this.
— aforbing
Wonderful...haven't we all been there...er, maybe not.
Line breaks in third and fourth strophes are off a wee bit:
Trying to age gracefully,
content with bowing to the years,
now raging against the bonds
that hold each tightly to their place.
Going forward, no regrets,
no plaintive cries or promises to fate,
but closing eyes alone at night,
dreaming of his face.
Just my opinion on the breaks. I like this.
Sam
— unknown
Took Sam's advice and made break changes. I like lots of white space but this is better. Thanks.
— Isabelle5
The first line is absolutely charming. I feel silly even bringing this up because I don't care to comment on content in my critiques, but lines 4 & 5 seem to belie the "choice" given in line 3 (she chose him accidentally).
Its a really soft and effective voice, but I wanted just a tiny bit more visual in the final stanza. Save "dreaming of his face," the final stanza tells more what the Younger Nun isn't than shows what she is.
Good work.
Thanks,
— mikkirat
nice. you had me at line 5
— innominate
You are a poet. That is a complement because not everyone is, you might not think that I am. You are and I loved your poem up to line 13...Line 14 seems a cop-out somehow...but it is your poem and I like it just the same.
— majoraward
I am overwhelmed by the comments from poets. Thank you.
— Isabelle5
plain, but easy to understand
— unknown
good work
— unknown
this poem makes me feel good ... perhaps it's because i'm nearly 50 ... or maybe it's because i can see her so clearly -- her joy and disbelief swallowed in a moment of ecstasy ... for whatever reason, this is a delicious moment.
thanks for that
— Bloodfetish
i like this poem. i can relate to it
— lonelygirl
you can relate to a poem titled "the younger man"? and you're 12 years old?
sheesh, what a world.
— Lia
good poem.
maybe 'in' place instead of 'to their' place in line 11?
i'm afraid that this would change the meaning a little though...
-varun-
— unknown
Holding to their place indicates they are separate and staying single, not in their place to holding onto their place.
— Isabelle5
Wait a minute, sorry I thought this was another poem! However this is good now that I've read it. Thanks for pointing that out Lia, sorry.
— lonelygirl
This poem is haunting, an' it is nicely done.
— devilsbelboy
Ah, lovely
— marieF
I'm curious about a comment on line 14 being a cop out. Is the commenter still here somewhere?
— Isabelle5
I can see this poem rings true, you have the ability of putting your soul into poetry without strangling it with emotion.
Well written with a good flow that is easy to read witn a bittersweet ending.
Lovely
— marieF
wow, haven't been here for a while I was just about to give you a 9 then realised i already did ages ago!
— marieF
Oh, thank you! That's so sweet!
— Isabelle5
Nice. A little hot.
— unknown
i love the start to this! winks and smiles should always go together :)
— oracle
I can relate to this poem. I am 56 and my husband is 23. Our life to gether is great. This poem is too.
— unknown
Loved the 2nd stanza of this evocative poem
— larrylark
My mom is 61 and her new husband is 19. I will show her this poem.
— unknown
Woa, very good message, and story. I hope someday I can communicvate like you!
— Spencer51320
Hey, Isabelle. This struggle is seldom conveyed with such grace.
— boothben
wow! this one's a fave
... love the last 5 lines!
— enkantada
Good one.
Definitely portrays the "liberal" changes taking place.
— CheBourdain7
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