Comments:
Not bad...not bad at all. You got a tiny typo though...line 9: citizen. For some reason, I really like line 2.
— EdwardDurden
thanx for that one EdwardDurden !
— SweetPain
anyone have any suggestions?
— SweetPain
Better than most of the hate poems out there, I say: imagery and metaphors are nice touches. But, lines 5 and 6 are awkward, I suggest rewriting them entirely. Also, the ending and the beginning seem to be going to different places. There is also no dash in 'cover up' and you spelled 'citizens' wrong.
— FangzOfFire
edited for your reading pleasure :D
— SweetPain
Bleh, but now L9 is awkward...am I ever satisfied? And the lines you used to replace the others for 5 and 6 were great.
— FangzOfFire
thanx a bunch for the help!!!!!!
-SweetPain-
— unknown
f
— unknown
umm thanx for that.
— SweetPain
I must say, this isn't as good as your others. They were mostly great whereas this is a bit better than ok.
I have a very odd rating system. I hate numbers.
— Lia
I like this heartfelt poem that has as much bullshit in it as my underpants clean on
— larrylark
I would have to agree with you Lia, I posted to see if someone could help me better the content. And to Larrylark...huh?
— SweetPain
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