poetry critical

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grandfather
psychedelico

The powder shackles of sawdust
 1
and that stale smell of a workshop
 2
well loved and utilized,
 3
are subtly complemented by
 4
the glistening of cold, hard
 5
steel and the rigid teeth of
 6
a craftsman's favorite tool.
 7
 
 
In this concrete enclosure,
 8
there once stood a being of
 9
flesh who created with lumber.
 10
He fashioned his calloused
 11
hands against wood grains,
 12
never flinching when yet
 13
another splinter bonded
 14
itself with leather fingers.
 15
 
 
There he stays,
 16
sawing yet deeper still,
 17
in silent volumes only
 18
heard by garage mice.
 19

15 Feb 05

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Comments:

i think sometimes you're reaching too hard to be poetical ... the title of the poem "grandfather" lets us know that he flesh and blood, but you've added "being of flesh" anyway to contrast the lumber ... that's what i mean by trying to be too poetical ... "splinter bonded itself with leather fingers" -> poetical, but bonded is more like glue -- splinters dig, spear, cut, embed ... bonding is elmers.

and yet other images are delightful: "garage mice" -- "stale smell of a workshop" -- "cold, hard/steel"

it's hard not to be poetical when we write about someone we love ...
 — Bloodfetish

I got a wonderful sense of you grandfather from this poem. You painted a picture of him and his place in life with your words.
 — jbhuas

Like this ,has real depth of feeling and creates a strong image of the man who worked wood. Gives a real feel of him
 — larrylark

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