| Cordless
|
Isabelle5
| 4 am, | 1 |
wide awake. | 2 |
No sleeping pill | 3 |
strong enough | 4 |
to knock me | 5 |
off my feet | 6 |
the way you do. | 7 |
| |
Talked till nine. | 8 |
We came, | 9 |
close together | 10 |
only time-wise; | 11 |
never touching each other, | 12 |
only ourselves | 13 |
| |
till your phone died | 14 |
same time I did. | 15 |
| |
Quiet now. | 16 |
Chaste non-virgin fingers | 17 |
strumming silent melodies | 18 |
above the sheets. | 19 |
|
15 Feb 05 |
Rated 8.5 (7.6) by 2 users.
Active (2): 9, 9, 9
Inactive (12): 1, 1, 3, 8, 8, 8, 9, 9, 9, 9, 10
(define the words in this poem)
(248 more poems by this author)
(5 users consider this poem a favorite)
|
Add A Comment:
|
Comments:
beautiful ... imagery and flow
i'd have another look at line 16 ... perhaps something such as this.
Now quiet: Chaste
non-virgin fingers
strumming silent melodies
above the sheets.
— Bloodfetish
Thank you. I did change it.
— Isabelle5
Hey... I want more!
However, I appreciate how you've used less "filler" and have stuck to the "oomph" words. This gives a more "meaty" effect. Good job here.
Only line 14 & 15 gave me pause.
— aforbing
amazing! love love, phone sex, haha
— tragicbubble
This is an absolutely beautiful poem. The concept of time and space are nicely suspended and yet, enriched, in the parallels you make (lines 14, 15)
Wonderful, wonderfully strong poetry and so very honest.
Thank you
— slancho
okay ... i'm *blushing* ... sure, i caught the two phones ... but, cordless ... dead batteries ... um ... well ...
i do love this poem ... !
— Bloodfetish
excellent work, made the emptiness palpable
P.
— unknown
You raunchy woman. Written extremely well, this comes across as sensual and very well imageried. Very nice work. Lucky guy. ^_^
-wendz
— unknown
very well written, wonderful flow. I like lines 3 - 7. They draw the attention in to the main event.
— rlively
The last stanza is touching.
— Dead
"Chaste non-virgin fingers" laughable
— unknown
wow!!! haha i LOVE it.... going into favorites :-)
— misspanda
*BLUSH**BLUSH**BLUSH**BLUSH*
*BLUSH**BLUSH**BLUSH **BLUSH*
*BLUSH**BLUSH**BLUSH**BLUSH*
*BLUSH**BL USH**BLUSH**BLUSH*
*BLUSH**BLUSH**BLUSH**BLUSH*
BONER.
— unknown
oooh... NICE! i like it a lot..
— sabz3003
You dirty, dirty girl. Haha. 's cute. I like the line "we came" just because it is almost an unintentional foreshadow.
-Zr
— ramher
Do you need line 11? Lovely poem.
— unknown
Liked the title and the last stanza.Accomplished writing.
— larrylark
I think line 11 has to stay, if only to show that we were not in touch actually, in time, yes, but in fact, not even close. He was way across town.
Hey, I learned how to give "good phone." Talk about safe sex!
— Isabelle5
safe unless you do it in the bath. :P
— noodleman
Noodleman, get a cordless and you can do it in the bath! (um, so I've heard.)
— unknown
oh yeah! phone sex at it's most beautiful!!!!!!!
— unknown
Just came across "Cordless" via the Random.
You have such wonderful control over your words and can relate what you want in a good, strong (i want a word for "professional" - "masterly?") manner.
This work is "directly" enjoyable for the reader.
A FAV.
— cynthmala
Well, thanks! I'll take professional, although I'm not even close to that. Sounds nice, though, don't you think? Isabelle M. Chasse, Writer - ahhh
— Isabelle5
I love this poem!!!!
— KCfromKC
i'm willing
to
conjecture that this is
the
only good
poem
you've ever
written.
But let's lay off the enter key and call it what it its....
A couplet.
— yeesher
fearlessly daring! this makes me like p. s.! : )
— enkantada
|
|
|