poetry critical

online poetry workshop



Revengers
inebriated

Admit I am the millstone
 1
noosed
 2
around your neck,
 3
the anchor flukes that
 4
grip you as you
 5
sink
 6
down
 7
deep
 8
drowning in a dark garroting grave;
 9
while ten feeble torpid groping fingers stretch for
 10
surface,  
 11
spots spread your field of vision like so many
 12
motes of dust in rays of light astream through
 13
open windows in an
 14
unlit room,
 15
ensnared by sunlight’s piercing finite wedges.
 16
 
 
Admit I am a nuisance,
 17
a muddling opalescent menace in your smushed up heart,
 18
capable of comforting a
 19
friend
 20
and nothing more,
 21
maybe from the start,
 22
the oil to the rusty joints (now sticking to your hands),
 23
a mouth-to-mouth resuscitating pal who’s overstayed his part.
 24
 
 
Admit I gave you unexpected purchase from your
 25
tumble
 26
stumble
 27
fall from grace,
 28
and now you’re on your feet again and looking down
 29
far down
 30
at grasping quicksand hands below that
 31
pull and
 32
pull and all you want to do is kick and scream for
 33
freedom.
 34
 
 
Admit you hooked your
 35
flesh in mine,
 36
Admit you had your motives;
 37
Admit it’s all so preciously ironic that I won’t
 38
let
 39
go!
 40

17 Feb 05

Rated 9 (9) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (0): 9

(define the words in this poem)
(10 more poems by this author)

(1 user considers this poem a favorite)



Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha

Comments:

ahhhh .... this has feeling and many reasons for me to revisit it again and again ... i like the flow of language, the sudden stops and shudders....i like the speaker and her/his demands ...

one line ended just a bit soft for my tastes:

line 10: "while ten feeble torpid groping fingers stretch for"  -- could move "for" to begin line 11 ... or eliminate it altogether -- end the phrase with stretch, begin new thought at Surface.

in any case, this goes into my list of favorites
 — Bloodfetish

God you make me horny

god dude  i'd like to piss in your mouse

then i'd like to chummer you

and for desert,

a platter of fresh zorts

oh my love lets fuk till death do us fart
 — unknown

0.63s