poetry critical

online poetry workshop



for "kaleidazcope" (retouched, revisited)
netskyIam

for kal who makes kaleidoscopes, modern day

"weid" is reid is -me-




___________________________________





Put  me in your object case
 1
with bits of chain to chafe and make
 2
my fractured image de-cognate
 3
in pol y gone ephemerations.
 4
 
 
ICU and U se e me
 5
and what's to this
 6
view of we three ?
 7
(including, yes, kaleidoscope)
 8
 
 
Well tumble Weid inside locked case
 9
and jumble-step his si!!y hastes.
 10
Re fract on ward in gen u flect
 11
net' pol ly wog gy wag gish elf.
 12
 
 
Shake me hard !
 13
now near your shoulder.
 14
Hold me near now to your eye.
 15
Bolder bumbling bowdling bounder!
 16
in your object case and tube
 17
from where from which
 18
I do
 19
I do
 20
I do CU
 21
at least so clear as split ting
 22
i m a ged eyes al low.
 23
 
 
Now put kaleid temp airy 'way?
 24
O' scope me in another day?
 25
Please play my colours
 26
warm, at night,  I
 27
prefer h our glees  
 28
by
 29
can
 30
dulled
 31
light
 32
.
 33

18 Feb 05

Rated 8 (6.8) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (6): 1, 1, 7, 8, 8, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(181 more poems by this author)

(3 users consider this poem a favorite)



Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha

Comments:

very cute.

-noodleman
 — unknown

yes she is. kal inspried the Bush poem
by her screen name...
So I wrote of Bush first, then put kal into
my object case view  for a tumble reading.  thanks
 — netskyIam

reminds me a bit of jabberwock in its playful rhyme and vision ... but for a couple of tiny stumbles

line 5 "ICU use see me" -- use drags the line, losing speed and tempo
line 15 "Hold me near now to your eye" -- "now" slows the read, throws off beat

overall, a comic delight to read again and again
 — Bloodfetish

this is interesting. a bit abstract, but it works the way you've used it. all the strange line breaks and spaces and punctuation in the middles of words; all of those are used in a way that makes the poem more interesting.

i like it.
 — AEOS

i'm pinkled

thank you
kaleidazcope
 — unknown

obliged to all. Here is what I worked from.  I quote from her bulltetin board posting  wrote for  me:  the first kaleidoscope I ever made, was constructed of pvc, pipe and mirrors, with beads and bits of jewelry. it's still one of my favorites, but the pvc casing is heavy, so you can only play with it for a short time before your arms get tired.      then I made a prototype out of cardboard mailing tubes, using the plastic cap ends for object cases (since they are intended to seal the tube for mailing, they fit nice and tight).      I made the object case open, with the second glass lens inside the mailing tube, so I ccould change the objects in the object case and 'audition' different collections of findings: pieces of agate and other translucents, polished pebbles, dyed insects etc.    another prototype was also made from a mailing tube, but with a clear sided object case that extended beyond the tube so daylight could get inside.      i used pieces of holographic wrapping paper glued to thin cardboard and cut in a variety of random shapes.     it is really the most spectacular viewer, especially with sunlight flashing off the prismatic paper.      most recently i've experimented with chains, which drape nicely around the other objects, shifting them into different shapes with every turn of the object case.     kaleidazcope
 — netskyIam

david and kal:  you two I rezpect here: D, do you still feel that I should make those two suggested changes?  And kal, how about you?   (in my thought, it's all wordplay and fair game for shiftings.   "use" is only a minor thing imo.. is a refraction  "use" in the literal sense, plus "youse" in the Yankee NY vernacular instead of the expected "you"... maybe it's just too stilting.. but geez.. the whole confection is stilted.  Kal will recognize where "shake and shoulder" derived.. and so.. given that it came from one of kal's poems here.. "now" works needed duty.   BUT I CAN change any of this.. I let kal call the shots in the end because -she- got me interested in dusting off the Bush Kaleidoscope AND mused me for this one, too.   tanks
 — netskyIam

i still don't get the tie-in to yoos, but i see now what you're trying to do ... when i pronounce with the soft s, the line reads fine ... but use has more of a z sound ... when i see the word, i still see it that way

would *not* drop in some new york speak ... hmmm ...  maybe computer speak to tie back to ICU?
 — Bloodfetish

oooh.
 — unknown

Lis read this and wanted to go play with a kaleidoscope, but alas she didn't have one on hand. Dissapointed, she read the comment written in italics by netskyIam, which quoted kaleidazcope talking about kaleidascopes, which was almost as good as playing with the real thing. :)
 — Lia

Oh dang. I meant to write "Lia", not "Lis" at the start of that previous comment. I hate typos. They make me feel foolish.
 — Lia

Net...
why (HOW), other than deleting existing poems, are you able to post 4 poems in a few hours?
 — unknown

Retouched slightly from the original version.  "candled" instead of "candle" duplexed words and off-track words are italicized.  Is the overall effect better?  Thanks, Reid
=regardless its demerits, this item remains one of my favorites.  I dont' know why except that I like kaleidazcope and kaleidoscopes, and that prolly... no other poet has ever versed another from inside a mirrored tube! hah!   cheers from me to kal!
 — netskyIam

hugs and toasted marshmallows to you lovely reid.

it brought a smile to my toes reading back through the poem and comments.
 — kaleidazcope

blushing hot for all the right reasons.  am  marshmallow sauce now.

oh

-must clean object case-

  (hugs, r)
 — netskyIam

I never read it before but this is great stuff, from a creative and witty mind.
 — Isabelle5

this is great.  really whimsical, and handled well.
 — 5foot3

amazing. haha. just amazing.
 — infinity

simply amazing.
fav L23 and of course
29-32
amazing...
 — unknown

0.39s