| Protect Me (rewrite)
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Ananke
| She was into s & m and Bible studies, not everyone's cup of tea, she would admit to me. A cup of tea she would admit to no one. ~Belle and Sebastian
| Before this begins I offer up my arms, | 1 |
palms out to you, scars like tree branches | 2 |
with sap of wine, | 3 |
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because I remember how you asked to know, | 4 |
one afternoon, still young, | 5 |
as I dug through your CDs | 6 |
and pretended not to listen. | 7 |
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Wordlessly, you run your thumbs | 8 |
down the stories in my brailled skin, | 9 |
cup my hands and pour your tears, until, | 10 |
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head bent, you full-teeth kiss my reopening veins. | 11 |
then bind my wrists, | 12 |
the ropes | 13 |
and I, fraying, fraying against | 14 |
your abrasive care. | 15 |
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5 Feb 03 |
Rated 8.5 (8.1) by 2 users.
Active (2): 8, 9
Inactive (8): 6, 7, 7, 7, 9, 9, 9, 10
(define the words in this poem)
(62 more poems by this author)
(3 users consider this poem a favorite)
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Comments:
Oh, wow! Such eloquence. Belle and Sebastian are disney characters, aren't they? Like from Beauty and the Beast or The Little Mermaid? (not that this was the purpose intended) I sense a great presence of intelligence in this author.
— shattered
Not that I'm not absolutely flattered that you gave me a 10, but I want to be sure you did it fairly. I didn't write the top italicized bit. It's a quote from a song. Belle and Sebastian are Disney character names, yes, but they're also a musical duo from Scotland.
— unknown
I could see this as a Goth lyric. I guess that's the Bel&Seb influence. Good images. Cds has no apostrophe, by the way. Worth reading.
— cobweb
As for a title, what about?
There’s no Stigma in Stigmata
— cobweb
i dont believe Belle and Sebastian is a duo they are a fairly large band with many members.
— dizzyedges
oops. thanks, you're right. I really do listen to their music a lot, but the person who introduced them to me told me they were basically a duo. I guess I never bothered to verify.
— unknown
wow... I'd say my favorite lines are 10-12. I also really like 13 - 17. Sad in a way, a very awesome poem.
— unknown
wow. I love line 11. really love it. I love the whole thing really.
— Lotus
L12- I think a hyphen instead of a comma. The quote doesn't enhance this, and kind of clutters it for me- at least at this moment. Man, this makes me uncomfortable. Why does there have to be people who cherish such awfulness? L9 seems to overdo it. Perhaps just "braided" would help it be more about the emotions underneath than simply a sick compulsion for pain. All compassion. ("Brailled" uglifies it when I read it- sounds too novel) Some interesting images and it hurt to read, yet I guess that exercise in pain can perhaps reduce the bigger stuff one can't control and/or that a molesting/ abusive- or absent father could arouse this kind of good feeling-pain, so that one would feel compelled to seek it in her sexual activities. How does your character get into this?
— unknown
"L9 seems to overdo it. Perhaps just "braided" would help it be more about the emotions underneath than simply a sick compulsion for pain."
The brailled skin here (and tree branch scars and reopening veins) isn't anything to do with a "sick compulsion for pain". They are scars from a suicide attempt. The only thing that has anything to do with that is the last four lines.
— Ananke
I like the imagery in this, and the ideas are very interesting.
— Moose
great
— unknown
THHIIIIISSSSSSSSSS POEEEMM SUCKS
— unknown
I thought this poem was going to be all about happy stuff, like how this person was nice and then BAM you switched it all up on me. Excellent!
— unknown
The opening statement made me smile. I began to read your writing and my brow tightened in amazing concentration and interest. My smile soon left.
"Before this begins I offer up my arms, palms out to you..."
I don't think most people notice that you never do speak of what you intended too in your poem; as though that's the way it's always been, and of course the way you intended it to be...hence the open veins, and the fact that whomever you're talking too seems more concerned for your physical state then your emotional. It's as though you simply wanted to express yourself, but others wouldn't listen."...fraying against your abrasive care." By the way, there's nothing directly related to you wishing to commit suicide, or that you've even attempted it. You simply are trying to open up and can't help but feel as though there's still no compassion, eventhough the other person in the poem showed it. I could and would love to express my complete feelings of this poem. I see it in a very deep manner...sorry, head's doing a tornado of thoughts on this one...I think I made my point.
Very well done. The deeper and darker side of reality. Beautiful.
-Aratron-
— unknown
belle and sebastian are the greatest band that are still running
— Mr_Private
Thank you for your help I am new at this so it might take me a while to adjust.
— imurgirl
and yes i did
— imurgirl
omfg dis is fukn amazing...
— UrbanAng3l
The passionate use of language here is so stirring (and a bit unsettling).
My only complaint here is that stanza 2 seems bland alongside the others (though in a lesser poem, it would be fine). It is possible that the images might be too overpowering without lines 4-7, though. I don't even know if you are still interested in critiques on this, since its been around for a while.
Just wanted you to know that I really enjoy it.
— jerotich
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