poetry critical

online poetry workshop



Father
larrylark

I glimpsed him gliding between trees
 1
splashed with dappled shade,
 2
purposeful, measured footsteps
 3
like breakers over sand, hand trailing
 4
shadows of larch, laburnum, elm,
 5
waving over a wheat field ocean,
 6
crossing mackerel shallows ,
 7
trembling finger on tiller
 8
maintaining forward motion.
 9
 
 
 
 
 
 
I shout, he does not hear.
 10
My breathe hisses into fields of rye,
 11
while he exhales shimmering air,
 12
passing by opening gates to anchor
 13
on a lake that lies smooth as glass.
 14
I move past him, we both raise a hand,
 15
like dreamers acknowledging what
 16
they think they've seen.
 17

25 Feb 05

Rated 8.7 (9) by 3 users.
Active (3): 8, 8, 10
Inactive (4): 5, 9, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(624 more poems by this author)

(1 user considers this poem a favorite)



Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha

Comments:

Is he dead?  If yes, then this is really, really good.  Well, even if he isn't, I like the opaque feel of this writing.  Children missing the parent by a hairsbreadth.  Such a universal thing.
 — Isabelle5

the careful, measured rhythm combined with rich language and imagery -- breath-taking ...
 — Bloodfetish

The texture you've given this poem reminds me of Jane Kenyon; that's the highes praise I know how to give.

Type-o  needs a space between the comma and measured (in line 3)
 — housepoppy

beutiful.
 — Uncriedxtear

Dear Isabelle,

Thank you for your sensitive and much appreciated comment.

Larry
 — larrylark

Exquisite flow and dream-like feel, the last three lines are particularly poignant. Line eleven makes me think of Holden Caulfield, and how lost he's been all his life. That adds to the tone of the poem, not sure if it was intentional though. Nice work Larry.
-wendz
 — unknown

Dear Wendz

I don't know who the gentleman is that you refer to,could you please enlighten. Thanks for the comment

Larry
 — unknown

Beautiful imagery - will keep re-reading this one.
 — dia

Oh, LarryLark...this is absolutely moving and powerful poetry.  I'd love to share my "father" poem with you.  This poem just "popped up" as a "random poem" when I signed on.  It's so beautiful.  Thankyou.
 — starr

btw...LarryLark...I gave it a "10."  It deserves more though.
 — starr

16/17 seem a little whimsical, and give a weakened ending to such promise
 — SolCarloman

purposeful,measured footsteps

A space is required after the comma, I see at least one other has mentioned this! Fix it on a lark, will you?
 — unknown

Hi Unknown,

Glad to oblige.

Larry spaced out Lark
 — larrylark

Hi solCarloman

I think i see your point but maybe it was all a dream.

Larry as dreamers do Lark
 — larrylark

0.288s