poetry critical : poem

its a train wreck everytime we collide

unknown

but now she's prone to seeing faults,	1
going through the motions by default.	2
she's rubbing salt over the wound.	3
he says she's brutal to a fault.	4
buzzing, blurring at the borders	5
'cause she's shaking like disaster.	6
acknowledging the speed limit,	7
she just keeps going faster.	8

27 Feb 05

Rated 7.7 (8) by 3 users.

Active (3): 7, 7
Inactive (1): 9, 9

(define the words in this poem)

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Comments:

my only complaint: more.

dear god, there's so much you could keep doing with this.
— unknown

No 'cuz'. No more 'cuz'.
— OKcomputer

jus cuz.
i see that.

yup.

good title.
— kaleidazcope

Changed it to 'cause', is that somewhat better?
— stateofmind

really like this. would add the word 'all' before over in 3.
— hank

The syllable pattern:
8 / 9 / 8 / 8 / 8 / 8 / 8 / 8

My advice is to fix line 2.  I can't say that I agree with hank because adding all to line 3 would just add an unecessary syllable.
— unknown

I changed the last two lines. Is it a change for the better or for the worse?
— stateofmind

she just keeps going faster .... ties up the poem with a little humor? i like this one.
— listen

from a random hit, a random comment.  i like the cadence, except line 6 for some reason.
— scottrs

Do you sing this one?  I can hear it more than I can see it.
— Isabelle5

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