poetry critical : poem

They

They knew it was hard	1
They knew I would need help	2
They thought they could help	3
They thought they could handle the hard.	4

As my body suffered, unforgiven for its actions,	5
Their hands reached through the surface to grab my soul.	6
It was, I was, sinking in pain's murky waters	7
And their hands reached through the surface to grab my soul.	8

They had done this before to friends that had fallen,	9
But never to someone plunged so deep in fear.	10
Hands grabbed my collar, my arms, my mind.	11
They held me all over and pulled me out of the black light.	12

Faces froze like my body, cold of the fires of fear.	13
They had brought my heart, my mind and all of my battered body.	14
But what I struggled for, fought for, initially dived into the darkness for	15
Was my soul...	16
Sinking to the bottom of the dark, lumpy solution.	17

28 Feb 05

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Very good. Reminds me of something I wrote not too long ago. A week. Good job. Now go jump off the nearest bridge into ravines overflowing with olive oil. : )
-Sally
— stellarskys6

I like the murky water metaphor - carry it more throughout the poem. The "soul" repetition in stanza 2 is not really working for me. The last line seems to fall a bit flat. Try ending it with "was my soul..." because most can relate to the images in your poem; the last line draws the reader away from the emotion.
— unknown

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— EdwardDurden

I'm going to be real honest; I'm not a fan of any of these. I hate saying that because I'm a poet too and I hate criticism because poetry, no matter what the form or rhyme, comes from the soul and who am I to say if it's good or not. I guess I like this one the best. It's not that I don't get them, their just not my personal style. With that said I still think the poet has talent and should keep writing.
— unknown

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