Comments:
Groovy.
— FangzOfFire
Interesting!?
— orange
interesting, but its a little confusing, i had to read it a couple of times to understand it, and im not sure if I still even know what your talking about. I do like the last line though.
— SweetxMemory
I get it.
— unknown
~I love the title, but maybe that's only because MY name is Claire. .hmmm!?~
-mywrdsrmyair-
— unknown
this is about a girl who i absolutely fell in love with in sophomore year. the he in it is a friend of mine who reminded me that beauty is in the eye of the beholder
— ElegantWaste
yeah, thanks jon...
— unknown
HUH?
yea, whatever flots your boat buddy
— unknown
is it really that difficult to get?
— unknown
i dont get it
— unknown
Like it. Would like it better without line 5, then you could also delete "that" from line 6.
And do you need "her" in line 2?
— housepoppy
awesome, i love line6. i also agree with housepoppy. (aren't girls named Claire awesome? =)
— coldromantic
yes!
— ElegantWaste
Make L3 and L6 tie in....not everybody vs. everyone
You might word L 1&2 different to get rid of the redundant 'in's
I like this. It's my new project, to write more deliberately. Good Job!
— themolly
Sorry!
One more thing...
The title is reaching. I would rather it seem like you're addressing her. For example, "to Claire, for the record" or maybe "for Claire, on the record". I don't know, man. I just hate repetitive insignificance.
— themolly
Ahaha, I officially love coldromantic who is right when they say that every girl named Claire is awesome (including me, claire :-P) I still love this poem, and agree w/housepoppy when he says L6 is best w/out that.
— MywrdsRmyAiR
It was too predictable
— septem
little note: Dickies is a brand name (which is what i think you meant) and dickies are a piece of clothing to wear with low cut shirts (my mom used to wear them).
— honeypot
|