| Reliquary of a Juvenile Futurist of 1905 (rev-netsky)
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netskyIam
| Were I a man of 2005 | 1 |
I'd wear an amazing parasol hat | 2 |
with propellers fluming air from that. | 3 |
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With this I would fly in 2005 | 4 |
to visit the Emir of New Calcutta- | 5 |
my landing, his palace- not in a mud gutter. | 6 |
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And in that year of 2005 | 7 |
I would regreet Great Grandfather | 8 |
who is still alive, for he still is me- | 9 |
when all loss is erased forever. | 10 |
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Death is now naught so we of the future | 11 |
move on and up and over all pasts | 12 |
in our parasol hats- our aerial rafts. | 13 |
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~ | 14 |
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A wish for the living- to be alive | 15 |
in two aught aught and five. | 16 |
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7 Mar 05 |
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Comments:
very good but it's from
— unknown
Wow.this is trulyawful.
— unknown
hi second unknown. why is it truly awful to your mindings?
— unknown
sunday, 3/12 note: readers: I will explain what and why upon request.. your perspectives and corrections are wanted. the "would I were" meant then: an impotent wish impossible of realization. Today we'd have to say: "I wish I were alive (in the future) but I shall not be, cannot be). In that era, the usual form of that affected "would" was illustrated be "would I were a bird" or "would I were King" (but I am not, know I cannot be either, ever... and so, I am wistfully wishing) tanks shermans, -netsky-
— unknown
Landing a palace? What do you mean? Landing in or at a palace, right?
— unknown
Landing a palance! Good question. google "sand castles in the air"
this boy must be hoping to lasso and pull down such a "palace". Or something. It can be taken in several ways, I think. But grammatically, it is most suggested that he to haul down a reality from his dreams.
— unknown
oops, make that search "castles in the air" and see it is a phrase heard not so much, but apparently long extant. Don McLean song lyric excerpt:
"And if she asks you why, you can tell her that I told you
That I�m tired of castles in the air." I debated whether to make that palace line read prosaically and "grammatically" (it is nearly correct as it is) but then.. the simple poem would lose another element of its antique surreality. Thanks.. I am netsky here and right above.
— netskyIam
I like it, the underlining is good. Last verse, I really like.
"a juvenile futurist..." Nice title.
— MFine
I liked this when i first read it and still do. possibly my favourite of yours.
in places i might suggest sticking with your rhyming schema rather than breaking out
And in that year of 2005
I would greet Great Grandfather,
where mortal oblivion is banished for ever
or something. or not.
the rest is butterful.
although the last two lines really aren't needed.
— kaleidazcope
new revision, since kaleidazcope's long-ago last comment.
How is it now, please? thanks, reid/netsky
— netskyIam
all I can say is that this is brilliant.
check my other comments: I'm not easy to please.
— alicedark
whoa. I loved this.
— huyue
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