poetry critical : poem

birdie

birdie was so named because she looked at birds	1
she came to me on my chest	2
and was running fast after another	3
when my boot hit her in the side	4

formerly she was poppy	5
but couldn't be handled...properly	6
we would walk or run in those mountains	7
and she would long hold me there	8

a girl that made herself comfortable	9
a girl that made my love mad	10
her homing instinct was strong enough	11
to kill her on her way back to me.	12

8 Mar 05

Rated 6 (8) by 1 users.

Active (1):
Inactive (1): 6, 10

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Comments:

you lost me at birds.
— unknown

it's about a dog, unknown. try a little reading. that often helps when you're dealing with words.
— unknown

that's great news.

I still don't get it.
— unknown

this is quite beautiful. it reminds me of old man. which is possibly one of the most loveful things i have ever read.

i'm sorry everyone has overlooked the obvious.
— noodleman

only change i'd suggest is to line 1

to

birdie was so named because she looked at birds

the language is prettier.
— noodleman

Yes, very pleasing to read.
— john

wow, noodle, thank you for that.
— hank

this is definately an underrated poem.
— hank

Why is your first line so long winded? Wouldn't 'birdie loved birds' do? Your second line is never going to be gettable. It makes no sense even if she was dumped on your chest inside a cardboard box tied with a ribbon and with ample breathing holes.

The rest of the stuff I quite like.
— unknown

ha. birdie love birds. wow.
— hank

well unknown, you got it, it makes sense.
— hank

oooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....a dog
— b00

well dang maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan

you do'nt ave to be a jenius to see dis is about a jackel

raftermaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan
— unknown

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