poetry critical

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she loves me not?

she says, “I said it,	1
but;” I swallow her excuse	2
so that I will choke.	3

11 Mar 05

Rated 8 (8) by 1 users.

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stateofmind

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Comments:

not a bad little minimal in haiku style.
— ka

My only rub is with "I will choke" - break the rhythm and seems like you are trying too hard to stay within the confines of the haiku - maybe "I can" or "I may" would be easier on the ears.
— WordsAndMe

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