poetry critical

online poetry workshop



The Asian Mariner
ollylama

Albatross my friend, come hither, come close.
 1
Most loyal of birds, your desperate hunger,
 2
Safeguards my boat as we search for the coast,
 3
Of royal green land, gold, silver and amber.
 4
 
 
Lonely at sea, lonely are we,
 5
My crew of the damned, hemmed in by salt water,
 6
Could offer me up the highest of tea,
 7
Not knowing that it is not this that I’m after.
 8
 
 
Oh for a touch of your silky white feather,
 9
Your wingspan could lighten the darkest of latitude,
 10
But it goes against nature that we be together.
 11
By what reckless design might I alter her attitude?
 12
 
 
I think that Icarus touched the sky like a bird,
 13
And so for that moment of terrific bliss
 14
Shot hot through the heavens, as he tumbled back seaward
 15
He laughed as he wept: No mean folly, this.
 16
 
 
Now lifeless and flightless, I wear you around me,
 17
Coilings of conscience, fates intertwined
 18
Like fibers in roots twisting up through a dead sea,
 19
Our journey is lost. You, gooney, are mine.
 20



From my novel "Abyssinia." Free download at: www.oliverbenjamin.net/abys.html

12 Mar 05

Rated 9 (9) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (0): 9

(define the words in this poem)
(11 more poems by this author)



Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha

Comments:

you want to bugger a bird?
 — hank

symbolically, yes. or the deranged hero of this poem does. reread coleridge's ancient mariner. Sometimes we kill the things we love in order to have them. And though everything may go tits up as a result (as in coleridge), those are the irrational imperatives of love and idealism, and it's often worth it.
 — ollylama

I dont like birds.
 — unknown

bird is also slang for "woman" in England.
 — ollylama

You know, this poem needs to be re-evaluated. I think it's worth more than a four. Can someone rescue it from the depths of the critical whirlpool? Give it a look see, peeps.
 — ollylama

i've favourited it.
so i can find it after my pub lunch.
belly matters always come first.
 — kaleidazcope

11c i insert a would on reading (when my eyes are closed)

would this be better in more structured metre. shrug.
i like it as is, but if you wanted to play, i may change my mind.

16 lovely humour. i am a sucker for funny.

gooney. (exclamation) oh how devinely perfect.

re comments. are you two brothers.

and yes bird is slang for woman. but that adds depth. when a british birds reads it anyway.
 — kaleidazcope

ps. love mariners. and monkeys.
 — kaleidazcope

plus you tart your work better than i do. which is a compliment coming from a professional tarter.
 — kaleidazcope

thanks kaleida, you've rescued the ship from the doldrums. for now, anyway. i didn't understand "re comments. are you two brothers." plees esplain.
 — ollylama

this is loverly

really loverly

did you know that an albatross actually can ride wind currents for 5 years strait and never bat a wing, need to land, or even piss or eat

yuah. i get national geo.

clever buggers i tell you


Loon
 — unknown

0.307s