poetry critical

online poetry workshop

sea carib 1

the sea
has lots of folk
lore to its waves
are rolling and
salt it is said
can prevent
one from flying.

17 Mar 05

Rated 3 (6.2) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (6): 2, 3, 3, 7, 8, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(465 more poems by this author)

Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha


love the twists and turns in this one ... the varying directions the line breaks take the mind ... it's short and i hunger for more
 — Bloodfetish

I'm not so sure where your going with this, and I usually prefer punctuation and capitalization in peoms.. Eh, I dunno, nothing about this strikes me as keenly poetic or exquisit.

Maybe I'm just missing it, but nothing about this is amazing to me.
 — Jakle1111

Use punctuation or don't, depends on the style/voice a particular poem needs.  
I don't like the period at the end because there's none anywhere else.

The enjambment would work better without "to" in line 4--you want your cake and eat it too with: "...has lots of folk lore to its waves" and "...its waves are rolling".
But hey, perhaps you're an innovator who laughs at my lack of imagination!

In the end I like it a lot.
 — housepoppy

nice, very nicely done.  I join the comment about the period, do away with it.  The ending is super.  What if you did ". . . and salt they say can prevent one from flying" instead of "it is said."  Just a thought but really, the poem works very nicely for me.
 — slancho

it remains
 — hank

Would the author mind explaining how the title and poem relate to each other?
 — unknown

the title of the poem is 'sea caribe' and the poem is about the caribbean sea.
 — hank

and the one was used to indicate that there is more to follow
 — hank

aren't caribe pirahnas hank> did you mean caraibe?
 — kaleidazcope

sorry i should be going out. i'm going out ... watch my skirt swish as i leave.
 — kaleidazcope

To what are you refering when you say "it remains"?  The period?  The way you said it sounds dismissive.  Do you not want suggestions?
 — housepoppy

after thinking awhile about the great comments, 'it remains' was kind of the answer to myself. sorry if it sounded dismissive.
 — hank

i don't think it sounded dismissive. but i didn't wanna say and miss out on your apology. smile.

i will crit the poem now.

first that full stop. this is the first part, there will be more i assume? therefore it makes sense to have a full stop, though aesthetically it looks a little out of place and unbalanced on the page. (but hey boys don't do pretty right?)

i have read this many many times. and now that i've decided that you're not talking about pirahnas (you should answer my question you know). i am beginning to dig it

in fact i will dig any poem that requires that i sit there for at least ten minutes contemplating it.

nevertheless i've veered between, if this was me i'd punctuate it, and have you considered making it one line long, and agreeing that it is just perfect the way it is. etc.

now i've decided that though you may have written it, it actually belongs to me, and that i can do what i want with it in my head. and i have.

that's good stuff.

do i like it. can't say it waves me that much yet. the end makes it. maybe when there is more. i may have stronger feelings.
 — kaleidazcope

no, i didn't know caribe were piranhas. check change.
 — hank

you confused the hell out of me with your pirahnas.

i still like caraïbe more than carib (it's a sound thing for me) and look i've given you the proper french spelling with umlauts and everything (pretty looking and pretty sounding). i know it's the equivalent of having your girlfriend's products in your bachelor bathroom. but ... caraïbe is my preffered spelling. but carib is now correct and right, and fine so do ignore me.

i have decided that some word choices really are very much a male, female thing. can that be true. i feel a little sexist saying it. oh well.

ps: don't forget you were going to elaborate elsewhere. it would be wonderful if you could. you are unique. so i'm sure you will have unique advice/exercises.

i'm shutting up now.  
 — kaleidazcope

Much ado about nothing much. Perhaps I'm missing something very deep here but so be it.  I loved  your gnormal comp entry but nothing much since. Hit me with your rhythm stick if you want - it might help else perhaps a paper by inuki will stun me.
 — unknown

this is an underrated poem.
 — hank

to me this is an extremely short, flat commentary.
 — themolly

flat commentary? you must be dead in the head.
 — hank

(granted a lot of my other poems are flat commentary, but not this one)
 — hank

The title is all that attracted me; Carib from the Spanish word caribe refers to one of the original aboriginal races of the southern islands of the West Indies.

They were also known as Cariban, why any one would want give  extremely warlike tribes like the Cariban a feminine title is beyond me as their women did not speak Carib but
Arawak the language of the previous inhabitants,
It was a matter of social status that only the men spoke Cariban.

Therefore the title if taken in its true intent, means a fierce and ferocious Sea

Arminius Prodicus  
 — unknown

yes, thanks. although the arawaks and caribs were contemporaries. (until the caribs killed all of the arawaks).
 — hank

Males In Australia (Gondwana) are sometimes named Laurie. Robin in places too is a male-given name. Salt makes snow halfpipes more easily freeze in warmer temps. Expel the salt onto one's girlfriend. They may find it unappealing but come on! Just playing. Be respectful, clean, and innocently ejaculate it right. Fly! I'm hot tonight. What can I say? Great poem! Why no hyphen after lore? - C
 — unknown