| Teen Angst Poem
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SweetPain
| Hand me this poem of yours, | 1 |
Which you say is worth its weight in gold. | 2 |
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My eyes scanned your clichéd words, | 3 |
And saw the lack of creativity. | 4 |
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It was written to follow the words of true poetry, | 5 |
but it read like a piece that would only have to be written by someone angst ridden. | 6 |
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You write about scissor-cut wrists and the loneliness you feel. | 7 |
The way your family hates you and the guy that broke your oh-so-delicate heart | 8 |
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Your conceited heart led you to believe that this was worth the title "poetic", | 9 |
because where you went wrong was believing in your ego. | 10 |
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18 Mar 05 |
Rated 6.5 (6.3) by 2 users.
Active (2): 6, 7, 7
Inactive (6): 1, 5, 6, 7, 8
(define the words in this poem)
(108 more poems by this author)
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Comments:
but for the typos here and there, this is a decent wake-up call for those who spew nothings into digital space, or worse, commit them to paper.
thanks for the image.
— Bloodfetish
Thanks a lot Bloodefetish, the reason for all of my typos is that i write them right then and there online when im on this site, but im getting better i hop :).
— SweetPain
Wow this is great, describes half the crap on this site.
— unknown
*giggles* Thank you unknown.
— unknown
so is there anything i could add or subtract from this poem?
— SweetPain
reall??
— SweetPain
this has got soul, i like it.
— unknown
thanx a lot unknown.
— SweetPain
I added to the 4th stanza.
— SweetPain
I added to the 4th and 5th stanzas.
— SweetPain
I mean i added the 4th stanza god im confusing myself
— SweetPain
I absolutely like this poem.
You can feel the strenght behind the words.
I will rate it a 7.
— AutumnTears
thankyou very much AutumTears. God i hate teen angst poems, even though i am a teen myself!
— SweetPain
Meh.
5
— lieskilllies
but you gave me an ate?
— SweetPain
an 8
— SweetPain
Nice to see a young poet correct her all-too-common peerage. Either more poems like this are needed or... sharper scissors, eh?
There is no need nor value in perfecting the poem. The message transcends form. The readers you would target are not sensitive to craft, anyway. It's just fine as it stands now for these reasons.
— netskyIam
Thanky you netskyIam.
— SweetPain
LoL more poems like this would spawn a whole generation of anti-teen angst poems and that would be kind of ironic so i would opt for the sharper scissors netskyIam.
— SweetPain
I do like this poem, and appreciate the fact that you are trying to combat the boring overplayed teen angst poems of today.
— unknown
Ooof! This is striking right at the heart of the matter! Poetry is too often considered easy and dark, oh, so dreary while it's actually quite involved when you do it right. Which is why it's so astonishing when you find some brilliant diamond among lifeless stones.
Nothing wrong with believing in your ego but you have to have the concrete good stuff to back you up!
— unknown
Hehehehe. I like this a lot.
— jessi
Thanx, im happy it makes you all feel this way.
— SweetPain
hmm.
interesting
and not necesarily in a good way
— unknown
could you explain youself unknown?
— SweetPain
lost love?
good poem...
— unknown
you know having your heart broken for the first time.
— SweetPain
this is every bit as sophomoric as the poems it pokes fun of.
— unknown
Geeez...
Okay, poetry 101: Concrete Nouns
You will find these are relatively important in the world of poetry, at least among those poets who actually wish to be understood. I count three (3) total concrete nouns in this poem. Not good. It is no wonder this poem is sophomoric, and a bit soporific as well. It rather resembles chopped prose. SHOW me an angst, eh?
Also...too many adjectives.
The IDEA of this poem is great! The protagonist reinforces the angst of the teenage poet. But as a poem, it has a long, long way to go.
— unknown
concrete nouns in this poem:
poem
gold
eyes
words
wrists
family
guy
heart
that's 8 sweetie, and some of the above are repeated.
But your point is right-on, even if you can't count concrete nouns.
— unknown
thanx to the two unknowns.
— SweetPain
my problem is finding what there needs to be worked upon. to me it gets the point across, so i dont think it needs to go any deeper. is the flow the problem?
-SweetPain-
— unknown
The Anti-Teen-Angst Poem (or "Today I've Decided That Life is Unfair")
Today I've decided that life is unfair
'Cause I don't have cool clothes like the in-crowd kids wear.
And my mother won't let me put gel in my hair!
For my tragic existence, does nobody care?
Today I've decided that life is unfair.
My favourite T-shirt was all dirty and wrinkled
My sis took the last Pop-Tart, with icing and sprinkles.
My folks said I'm too selfish, they're so unaware
That today I've decided that life is unfair.
Got an F on a test, 'cause I'm too cool to study
Got dissed 'cause I'd gossipped about my best buddy,
A car splashed my leg, now my pants are all muddy!
I'm feeling so hopeless, I want to despair,
'Cause today I've decided that life is unfair.
I'll go get some piercings, I'll dress in all black,
Get a skull and a serpent tattooed on my back!
Hey world, I'm depressed, can't you cut me some slack?!?!
I know that my classmates will whisper and stare,
But today I've decided that life is unfair.
As I walked home from school, whilst I wallowed in gloom,
I saw in a gutter, unwashed and ill-groomed,
A man who had nothing. Until now, I'd assumed
That I had it the worst, that nobody cared,
After all, I'd decided that life was unfair!
As I looked at this man, and he slowly gazed up,
And jingled the change in his worn paper cup,
His clothes were unruly, and so was his hair,
Yet he spoke quite politely, (though his looks caused a scare),
"Kid, why do you think that life's so unfair?"
As I pondered his question, put myself in his shoes,
I realized contentment is something we choose.
For this man had so little, and I had it all,
Had a house, food, and water, which may appear small,
Had a family who loved me, and would always be there,
While he slept on cold pavement, 'neath streetlights' harsh glare,
This sobering lesson made me wholly aware,
That it's to MY advantage that life is unfair.
— unknown
wonderful. i love it. very realistic. i like it as it is.
— unknown
to the first unknown, very nice prose, even though it is my anti. and to the second unknown thanx i think. was that comment for me or the other unknown?
— SweetPain
i pissed myself and it was when i was laughing at your pathetic poem.
— unknown
Interesting comment on a phase we all more or less go through at some time in our teens.Some people like to write it down but it usually doesn't come out too goodthrough lack of objectivity
— larrylark
thanks larrlylark, that was sweet.
— SweetPain
does its job pretty well, and pretty honest and straight
— mr_e
spank you mr_e!
— SweetPain
LN2: "its" weight.
LN7: "scissor-cut," "loneliness"
LN8: "oh-so-delicate"
— meaka
thanks meaka.
— SweetPain
This poem is very true. I have not read any poems from this site (except for this one) however, I’m a member of another poetry website that is overflowing in terribly written unoriginal teen angst and young writers that boast their "talents" but know nothing about poetic devices and the beauty of real poetry. They only want comments that praise and show sympathy. And can’t handle helpful criticism.
This piece addresses typical teen angst and the teens that write it with such truth and leaves no room for compassionate feelings for the clichéd angsty teens that think their "poetry" is so great and deep. I enjoyed this. It begins angst writing back to the reality that has been shoved away.
— unknown
This poem is very true. I have not read any poems from this site (except for this one) however, I’m a member of another poetry website that is overflowing in terribly written unoriginal teen angst and young writers that boast their "talents" but know nothing about poetic devices and the beauty of real poetry. They only want comments that praise and show sympathy. And can’t handle helpful criticism.
This piece addresses typical teen angst and the teens that write it with such truth and leaves no room for compassionate feelings for the clichéd angsty teens that think their "poetry" is so great and deep. I enjoyed this. It brings angst writing back to the reality that has been shoved away.
(Sorry for the re-post... I made a typo.)
— unknown
sweetpain you will never get better unless you start using spellcheck and thinking about your poems before posting them.
— unknown
wow thanks for that comment unknown #1
and thanks for the help unknown #2
i was completely oblivious to the spell-check tool until now
thanks for the eye opener. and i thought about this last comment !
:D
— SweetPain
line 6 please look at line 6!
surely the English language doesn't deserve such harsh treatment.
Also take out "sincere" line 4- adjective cull
take out oh-so- delicate it just sounds too sarcastic
this poem while I agree with its sentiments 100%
is almost as problematic as the poetry it derides.
you hand me a poem
worth its weight in gold
I scan your cliched words,
your lack of creativity
You write about scissor-cut wrists and loneliness.
The way your family hates you
and the guy that broke your heart.
Your conceited heart leads you to believe
that all of this, is poetry
sorry I can't seem to do any better than that with your raw material
cheers
— Tentative
actually " that even this, is poetry" is a better last line
— Tentative
thats an intresting take on my poem.
thanks for the time, i really appreciate it Tentative.
— SweetPain
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