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lost and found in extended metaphor
netskyIam

Willingly lost in a one-tree forest;
 1
nosing through the forest thicket.
 2
Pausing, peering up at sky.
 3
There, a faintly crescent moon
 4
crested by two orbs of glint
 5
guide me to the place
 6
 
 
Willingly lost in a one-tree forest;
 7
now safe, contented, beside the tree
 8
with stars above and all of life
 9
not lost, but found, at last
 10

22 Mar 05

Rated 5 (6.5) by 1 users.
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Inactive (1): 5, 8

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i think i've found myself here in these few words and internal beat beat beat.
i think i'll stay lost for awhile and enjoy the view.
i'm not crazy about vouchesafed -- hard to say out loud ...  but inside my mind, it streams
 — Bloodfetish

cool, 'man..  some will get it and some will beat it.. thanks
ps: "vouchesafe" has a nice sound to my own ear.  It's a chaucerian
word; is that old.. i -think i have the meaning correctly placed here. obliged to you,
netsky
 — netskyIam

I'm sorry, I got lost in the words and missed the point somehow.  It's glib and curious but not striking.  Makes no sense to be in a one-tree forest (which I can figure out easily) then switch to a thicket.  That kind of detracts from the one-tree forest concept, to my mind.

Crescent moon crested by two orbs of glint - I want it to make sense but it doesn't to me.  I miss metaphor constantly, though, so perhaps it's just my mind that isn't relating.
 — Isabelle5

Isabelle, by now you recall having seen an earlier incarnation of this poem?  Indeed, there is no such thing as an actual "one-tree- forest" except in the eyes of one who adors a particular kind of trunk.   Faintly crescent moon..orbs..are stars... the tree of life all of life is  found at last. ... and there you are.
 — netskyIam

I've made a word change and altered punctuation a bit.  Here is the original which the earlier readers saw:


Willingly lost in a one-tree forest;
1
nosing through the forest thicket
2
Pausing, peering up at sky;
3
there, a faintly crescent moon
4
crested by two orbs of glint
5
guiding  to the place
6


Willingly lost in a one-tree forest;
7
but vouchesafed now  beside the tree
8
with stars above and all of life
9
not lost, but found, at last
10
 — netskyIam

good imagery, and use of verb in line2.
 — cuishanying

Could use a period at the end of l6 and 10. I like this, but I agree with Isabelle5, I like the 'one-tree forest' idea, but stick with that instead of switching to a thicket. Will confuse the reader. Nice job, keep editing this and it will be pretty good.
 — MywrdsRmyAiR

My wrds, apology for not checking this poem since your input.  I could put periods in as suggested by you without the least harm.  However, becuase thos lines are ends of stanzas, in paritucular I don't see need for a double-tromp braking.  It's not to be so abrupt as that.  As for the "thicket", well... it's a sexual metaphor poem.   I wanted to do this so subtly as to offend nobod, while getting the point over to those who do such a thing as part of living.  thanks, -netsky-
 — netskyIam

This poem is just lovely.
 — unknown

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