| Children of Oceania
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themolly
| I have long been obsessed with the origin of this planet. I'd like to believe we were all there, in some form, when it all unfolded.
| I am swimming with the truth cupped in my hands. | 1 |
Legs propel me to a land; some land. | 2 |
Into air, any air, some air, up there | 3 |
in between the fires, the sparkles I'm in. | 4 |
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Gravity's counter force cradle me. | 5 |
Upward, carry me. | 6 |
Cooly upward toward Earth | 7 |
Smoothly onward to Earth. | 8 |
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I drive life, | 9 |
from the wet sky | 10 |
I fly. | 11 |
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23 Mar 05 |
Rated 6.8 (6.4) by 6 users.
Active (6): 10, 10, 10
Inactive (6): 1, 1, 1, 1, 6, 8, 8, 9, 10
(define the words in this poem)
(51 more poems by this author)
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Comments:
there is no direction in space, so upward toward earth as well as onward to earth work well ... but i'm curious about the land in the first stanza ... could it be toward land? "propel me to a land" gives me the feeling of solid earth 'neathe my heels ... then disorientation in the next stanza
but then, i've not been in space in this form ... perhaps i've forgotten how up/down it can be.
— Bloodfetish
i think it needs a new title
unless you are to put it in quotations.
i cannot read this an not think of the song.
— duffyj83
I like my title. Does anyone else hate it?
— themolly
sorry if anyone else opposes to my opinion, but it is hard to use a title to a song so commonly known... no offense to you, but it is obvious you used the title for an inspitation, and you should at least credit that.
— duffyj83
no need to credit titles ... thousands of poems, books and movies all named the same ... one caveat: if you used the song as inspiration -- if this work is derivative of that song, then yes, you should credit. elstwise, worry not.
and i find delightful the disorientation
— Bloodfetish
one other thing ... i've never heard the song, and i'm hip to everything from acapella to zydeco (mainly brutal metal and Bollywood show tunes, but i listen to anything)
— Bloodfetish
Just an FYI...I did not use the song in any way. This piece is about the genesis of life in our solar system. "Big Bang" for obvious reasons, "Baby" to convey new life. In NO WAY, was either version of the song "Big Bang Baby", used to create this work!
— themolly
well, bloodfetish, it is a StoneTemplePilots song.. and themolly, to further critique, i like your poem here...it is just hard for me to get past the title because i am farmiliar with the song. i am sorry but i thought it was a common knowledge (the song)
anyways, the first three lines are the best here, in my opinion, but i felt you could have given a little more here
— duffyj83
If I'm wrong, correct me. I do believe "Big Bang Baby" was originally recorded by The Rolling Stones, then covered by STP.
— themolly
no, actually, it is an original song, written by Scott Weiland. but many people think it is very similar to the Stone's song "Jumpin' Jack Flash".
— unknown
that was me not logged in
— duffyj83
oh fuck the title. the poem is great.
:P
— noodleman
yeah ... i'm with noodle ...
— Bloodfetish
gosh. kinda like this to.
i particularly like sparkle.
it's quite perfect.
you can hear your voice.
very nice
— kaleidazcope
Thanks man.
— themolly
yeah right.
— unknown
wow
— BoundFeet
someone fucked with the wrong Bee-otchs
— tiedtoes
hella cool
— Estrella
Booo hooo!
— unknown
i don't like the title.
it's trite, it seems juvenille... like somebody's livejournal title when they're fifteen or something.
otherwise, i like it.
— shakeit
thank you. you're right
— themolly
LUV the new title
— tiedtoes
Hmm...you sound like an interesting person. What's your address, I'll visit you. It has to be on Earth too. My car would never make it even one parsec. 8/10
— Henry
i have lived on this planet for most of my incarnations...he he
— BoundFeet
what about you, molls?
— BoundFeet
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