poetry critical

online poetry workshop



feather
hank

it came from a mostly black bird
 1
a magpie also with white
 2
but not like the rocky mountain magpies
 3
this one the english kind
 4
"save for the cry of one lone bird-
 5
disconsolate"
 6
and once it was iridescent
 7
green
 8
but only when i first found it
 9
stuck to the tail
 10
of the bird
 11
stuck to the street
 12
upon which i was standing
 13

25 Mar 05

Rated 7 (7.7) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (2): 7, 7, 9

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Comments:

The last two lines work very well, but I feel the second line reads a little strangely?  I like how the whole thing is short, sweet and concise.  You have definitely exercised a good economy of words here.  Is there any subtle underlying message attached to this piece that I've failed to grasp?  Do explain!
 — raeka

see oscar wilde: la fuite de la lune
 — hank

oh oh, i like this-- very much so; the last four lines tie everything together very well.

adding this to my favorites, i think.
 — youthculture

i salute you (and the magpie) and mourn the dissapearing iridescent green.
 — kaleidazcope

You really must read the entire at least once and then again to get the full effect, glimpses of lost irridescence.

Nice.
 — Isabelle5

thanks for all the nice comments. i'm horny.
 — hank

haven't masturbated in minutes, eh?
 — unknown

i think this is an underrated poem.
 — hank

like this.
 — listen

Sigh  u no its probably good but im just bored so i didnt reed it
 — unknown

The repetition of magpie(s) seems pretty odd. You used nice imagery though. Good job. (:
 — DaylightChar

You think very highly of yourself there Hank. Not a good thing. Well...to humble you 3/10. The poem was okay, but don't flatter yourself.


i think this is an underrated poem.
— hank
 — Henry

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 — unknown

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