Comments:
The last two lines work very well, but I feel the second line reads a little strangely? I like how the whole thing is short, sweet and concise. You have definitely exercised a good economy of words here. Is there any subtle underlying message attached to this piece that I've failed to grasp? Do explain!
— raeka
see oscar wilde: la fuite de la lune
— hank
oh oh, i like this-- very much so; the last four lines tie everything together very well.
adding this to my favorites, i think.
— youthculture
i salute you (and the magpie) and mourn the dissapearing iridescent green.
— kaleidazcope
You really must read the entire at least once and then again to get the full effect, glimpses of lost irridescence.
Nice.
— Isabelle5
thanks for all the nice comments. i'm horny.
— hank
haven't masturbated in minutes, eh?
— unknown
i think this is an underrated poem.
— hank
like this.
— listen
Sigh u no its probably good but im just bored so i didnt reed it
— unknown
The repetition of magpie(s) seems pretty odd. You used nice imagery though. Good job. (:
— DaylightChar
You think very highly of yourself there Hank. Not a good thing. Well...to humble you 3/10. The poem was okay, but don't flatter yourself.
i think this is an underrated poem.
— hank
— Henry
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