| For Sam
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unknown
| my mind dips into fluid memories | 1 |
lustful moments, of what I thought was love | 2 |
tangled warmth, whispered words | 3 |
rhythmic instances of freedom | 4 |
this is different | 5 |
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lost in your beauty, not just your flesh | 6 |
you give yourself so freely | 7 |
legs open,to my soft murmurs | 8 |
left wanting more, needing to fill you | 9 |
I wander slowly down your body | 10 |
holding the thought, this is love | 11 |
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26 Mar 05 |
Rated 9 (7.8) by 5 users.
Active (5): 8, 9, 10
Inactive (5): 1, 4, 4, 8, 9, 10, 10
(define the words in this poem)
(3 users consider this poem a favorite)
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Add A Comment:
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Comments:
ooooooooooo. that's nice.
— themolly
Well, there now. I am loved, I love, and I drool over that second strophe.
Should I critique?
L2 - plural (moments).
Since you use punctuation in some areas, use it throughout.
I would also get rid of the caps at the beginning of each line before aforbing sees it;)
Sam xx
— unknown
Thank you sam, yes you are loved. Unfortunately it is by a person who knows nothing of poetry or grammer, well spelling either. Accept me for the literary mess i am. Teach me please. I am poor but not too proud. I am sure i can repay you in some way.
— windytram
This is terriffic and makes me feel like I am right there with you. Very vivid.
— RugbyChick
faultless in my estimation
— netskyIam
wow.... i love this.
— unknown
I find the imagery a bit forceful and too easy (this is not a comment about your experience, but I think you can make this stronger if you shake your metaphors a bit, suspend them, turn them on their heads, let them read harder).
Maria
— slancho
Add a space after the comma on line 8.
Nicely done.
Sam, I love you!!
Rob
— unknown
Makes me want to change...HAHAHA - private wink at Sam.
This is obviously heartfelt and shamelessly sensual. I love the idea of legs open to soft murmurs...
— Isabelle5
lose the first my. it is implied, and unnecessary.
elsewise, like themolly said, ooooooooooooo. nice.
— noodleman
also, 8 might read better as
legs open, to my murmurs, soft
cause the alliteration flows better and the word gains 2 extra meanings.
soft murmurs
soft legs
left soft
and like that.
— noodleman
this is a great poem, full of great imagry you can almost taste
— green_book
Did you change this from your legs open to my soft murmurs? Or was this the way it was? I was imagining exactly how my own legs open to soft murmurs and that this was inspired! I still love the silky feel created throughout.
— Isabelle5
Nice. and very intimate.
— Riverwriter2
This one is the better of the two
— unknown
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