Comments:
Line breaks seem a bit arbitrary - but I like that you're definitely showing me a picute -- forehead in line 8, and screeching in line 11. Were only talons and whir (?) you leave me behind a bit on line 10 there.
Fresh, interesting.
— ka
- uh picture not picute...I hate new keyboards :)
— ka
geez, thanks ka, ordinarily take better care than that, guess my brain is too battered from easter.
— hank
when i first approached jessica, her talons were everywhere, whirring. and feathers were flying. it was a 'whir' and plays with were, where etc.
— hank
hmm. i think i need a jessica 2
— hank
the first two lines make me feel geeky with all the happy literary thoughts to think-- aha, i love that feeling.
— youthculture
good. glad to hear it. wish they were mine, but he's dead so i'm stealing them
— hank
i find the language strong, images lovely, though i'm confused.
i struggle with jessica as a hunting hawk ... or perhaps the hunted.
(also line 1 ... i *see* some lone bird, but mind keeps saying lonesome bird)
i come back when brain is better able to decipher.
— Bloodfetish
she's a snowy owl.
— hank
i think this is an underrated poem.
— hank
Neat! Great poem. you sure have put alot of effort. Im sure u had fun writing it. iI really enjoyed it.
— unknown
a solid vision: sight and sound.
the line breaks are not what i would prefer ... a bit jarring ... wingbeats?
— Bloodfetish
the line breaks here remind me of nervous breathing and are accurate to the feeling at the time.
— hank
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