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jessica
hank

"save for the cry of some lone bird-
 1
disconsolate."
 2
incessant
 3
from within a box
 4
jessica is calling a whistle
 5
that tears her raiment
 6
of snowy down and me
 7
my finger on her forehead
 8
where before there
 9
were only talons and whir
 10
sharp lips screeching
 11
out into the forest
 12
stopped for a moment
 13

29 Mar 05

Rated 8 (7.7) by 2 users.
Active (2):
Inactive (1): 7, 7, 9

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Comments:

Line breaks seem a bit arbitrary - but I like that you're definitely showing me a picute -- forehead in line 8, and screeching in line 11.  Were only talons and whir (?) you leave me behind a bit on line 10 there.

Fresh, interesting.
 — ka

- uh picture not picute...I hate new keyboards :)
 — ka

geez, thanks ka, ordinarily take better care than that, guess my brain is too battered from easter.
 — hank

when i first approached jessica, her talons were everywhere, whirring. and feathers were flying. it was a 'whir' and plays with were, where etc.
 — hank

hmm. i think i need a jessica 2
 — hank

the first two lines make me feel geeky with all the happy literary thoughts to think-- aha, i love that feeling.
 — youthculture

good. glad to hear it. wish they were mine, but he's dead so i'm stealing them
 — hank

i find the language strong, images lovely, though i'm confused.
i struggle with jessica as a hunting hawk ... or perhaps the hunted.
(also line 1 ... i *see* some lone bird, but mind keeps saying lonesome bird)
i come back when brain is better able to decipher.
 — Bloodfetish

she's a snowy owl.
 — hank

i think this is an underrated poem.
 — hank

Neat! Great poem. you sure have put alot of effort. Im sure u had fun writing it. iI really enjoyed it.  
 — unknown

a solid vision: sight and sound.
the line breaks are not what i would prefer ... a bit jarring ... wingbeats?
 — Bloodfetish

the line breaks here remind me of nervous breathing and are accurate to the feeling at the time.
 — hank

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