| (un)together we salsa
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misspanda
| I see you | 1 |
(you see me) | 2 |
It's hot, we salsa | 3 |
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You pass by me, I waltz by you | 4 |
(no recognition) | 5 |
You and her, you two-step | 6 |
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Next day, round two | 7 |
(same thing over) | 8 |
Grind with me, shimmy with her | 9 |
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Two to tango, three to.... nothing | 10 |
(she's a wench thrown in the rhythm) | 11 |
If you're going to dance, do it right | 12 |
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(just pick a single partner) | 13 |
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29 Mar 05 |
Rated 7 (7.7) by 1 users.
Active (1): 7
Inactive (4): 7, 8, 8, 10
(define the words in this poem)
(28 more poems by this author)
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Comments:
very well put together
— unknown
Wow, this is exactly right!
— Isabelle5
I like the title and the feel.
I know this is just a style thing, but I really think this would be stronger with shorter (2 or 3 beat) lines.
Line 3 broken up, and drop the "and". Also break lines 4, 6, 7(next round?),
8 (again?), 9, 10, and 12 (dropping "if" and "then")
Not sure I like "three to...nothing" in line 10. Don't like line 13--not needed.
— housepoppy
i like this: made me smile.
i got to 10, though, and thought: hmmmm ... 3?
like the play on wrench/wench ... casual reader will see the former, good reader will catch the word play
not crazy about "gonna" in an otherwise non streat-speak poem
— Bloodfetish
i like it
— misspanda
lol sorry wrong poem commenting on my own poem, i am retarded, thought i was at a different one of bloodfetish's, my comps messed up, please disregard!
i promise i am not one to stoop so low as to anonymously comment on my own poems to get people to see them!
:)
— misspanda
good title, the rest of its pretty okay too
— unknown
haha, this is so cleverly done. I'm dancing with you on this one and loving it!
— LauraLea2
hey i like it!
haha my new favorite :)
— unknown
clever
— unknown
i dink you should flamingo now
raftermaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaandoingreally goodcritmannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
— unknown
thank you for the correction.
i didnt catch that at all.
and yes, cliche... you're right,
it's very hard to come up with anything new
to write about the most written about feeling.
— colormetink
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