poetry critical

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r.i.p. john
hank

the pope of the catholic faith died last night
 1
his name was john paul
 2
john paul the second
 3
 
 
i hear
 4
i read
 5
that another john paul will take his place
 6
 
 
i suppose he will be the third
 7
'john paul'
 8
 
 
economy within faith
 9
 
 
saves on paperwork
 10
 
 
in any event
 11
i lit a candle for him (the deceased)
 12
or maybe it was for me
 13
or maybe it was for nothing
 14

3 Apr 05

Rated 7 (7.2) by 1 users.
Active (1): 1, 6, 9
Inactive (19): 2, 3, 3, 4, 6, 6, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10

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Comments:

This is beautiful
 — orange

Finally something worth reading on this site, about the pope that is.
 — orange

thank you
 — hank

don't let the title scare you.
 — hank

cmon people.
 — hank

It isn't that this isn't good. It's just, it's taking me a while to piece together the puzzle. Give me some time.
 — Rixes

don't go to crazy rixes. it isn't too deep. about birdbath depth.
 — hank

counting...
 — hank

not enough turtles.
 — unknown

you didn't know the pope.
 — hank

i like birdbaths.
 — noodleman

i like pimp suits too so don't go by me, though.
 — noodleman

what was that? go buy you one?
 — hank

the pope had some turtles i'll tell you.
 — hank

he got so old some referred to him as 'lonesome george'.
he (lonesome george) is the oldest galapagos tortoise on the planet and the last of his kind anywhere!
 — hank

I have a teenage mutant ninja turtle
 — unknown

you can buy me a nice pimp suit i wear a size 40 regular and leave space in the crotch because i swing low like abe vigoda and then ill send you a nice hoochie mama with a nice haircut like barbara bush and an ass like a twelve year old boy.

i have to go now my tooth fell out again.
 — noodleman

I have two pet turtles.

-Rixes
 — unknown

i want a turtle!!...there illegal in this damn country! :(
 — WildSymphony

Sorry...ehem...great poem!
 — WildSymphony

sweet memory.  i think this is beautifully awesome.  :*)
 — ducktape

I think you should capitalize "nothing" to "Nothing." You know, like a good old personification, or just German-style with nouns, wieghed down with the heaviness of being alive. Kindof like Frodo, Burdened, ya know?
 — synej

i don't know; for one reason or another, this poem doesn't particularly catch my interest-- i understand it, but eh.

i do like L9&10, though.
 — unknown

and that last unknown was me, forgetting to log in.
 — youthculture

economy within faith saves on paperwork. love that line. someone should have told that to the guy who wrote the bible. and the guy who wrote the qu'ran. and the dhammapada. and the upanishads. hank, why don't you write a holy book. i bet it'd be good and economical and there would be turtles in it too. by the way, i didn't post the anonymous turtle comments. i would never hide under a shell of anonymity. ha. anyway, he was a pretty good pope. finally admitted that evolution was a possibility. big step. nice guy. great skiier.
 — ollylama

i don't feel a connection to this.  too much telling.
 — sassybnyss

The title did put me off. Anything with RIP in it always makes me want to break out in hives. I like this, all the way up until the last two lines. They feel incomplete somehow, and jarring. It's weird, but I read this with a sort of respectful tone in my head, not a satirical one, although I suppose a satirical tone would work too. What did you write it with? Satire or quiet in mind?
 — wendz

wendz. a bit of both. balance. i was trying to show indifference without being condescending or offensive. i wanted exactly the effect created in your head.
to light a candle for someone's passing that  you've really never thought of in life- what does that say?
 — hank

The pope-mobile is on e-bay
 — unknown

hank rote a good pome i know cause its on the top rated pomes place
 — noodleman

very subtle.

rip. tear. copy. rest in peace

deceptively simple.

the unkowns aren't me either.
 — kaleidazcope

it is a great peice of art i love something worth wild to read!
 — sarah666

you mean it's worth wilde?
 — hank

wildsymphony- were do you live that turtles are illegal?
 — hank

maybe just prepubescent turtles?
 — noodleman

it can take some turtles a long time to reach maturity.
 — hank

Why is everyone talking about turtels?
This poem is alright and that's about all to say about it really.
Perhaps that is why everyone is talking turtles.
 — unknown

who's talking turtels?
 — hank

Hank- I live in the UK...It's legal to buy certain turtles/tortoises here but you can't buy the bad ass ones that I want and its illegal to bring them in from other countries unless you have the necessary documentations which I certainly don't have :( I like the hermann's :D
 — WildSymphony

It takes turtles between sixteen to forty years of age to reach maturity.
Green sea turtles reach maturity at 69 to 79 cm...he he
 — WildSymphony

i know where there's tortoises in the u.k.
 — hank

Oooo koooweee tell me? :D
 — WildSymphony

see - no one is talking about your poem.
its all tutle this turtle that .
 — unknown

now its tortoises.
 — unknown

Well tortoises and turtles...same family! :S
And it all links down to the Pope having turtles! :D
 — WildSymphony

is that like having crabs then?
 — unknown

Comment on 'John Paul':
probably because there are no turtles. Check out r.i,p. john.
– unknown

I suspect you're the same unknown commenting on this poem...

hmm...what do you have against turtles and tortoises? they're kweet you know...and I wouldn't actually be chatting about turtles and tortoises and hijacking this commenting space unless the poet was ok with it! :S I assume hank is 'cause he's joining in! :S

Sowwi...I love animals more then humans!...ehem...
 — WildSymphony

ok.

far be it from me to interfere.  I like turtles myself but they have there place.  I've even got a poem on this site which is 20% tortoise.
 — unknown

lol safe! :)
 — WildSymphony

on the subject of british tortoises.

did you know they were an endangered species in the uk.

it has something to do with their extraordinary ability to jump six foot tall garden fences and their fondness for sexually assaulting cats rather than their opposite sex.

we do still have their bastard offspring. the tortoiseshell cat. who unlike tortoises don't like to eat dandelions, which are very common in the uk.

the buttercup speaking of another yellow flower with a great name is also endangered. this is because more people eat flora now.

and as it happens the pope always ate crumpets with flora on. and is therefore responsible for the near extinction of tortoises who are close relatives to the turtle.

hows that for bringing the thread back on topic unkown bubblebutt?
 — kaleidazcope

ehem...me ain't commenting now...*mouth zipped*
 — WildSymphony

can't someone put a bag over that bint's head?
 — unknown

sorry, i was on the phone and missed most of this. but i'd like to say-

to unknown: never call someone leaving creative commentary on one of my poems a 'bint' (whatever that is, it didn't sound nice) unless you want me to rip out your tonge and cram a sprocket down your throat.
 — hank

and if the poem ain't worth it, why you chiming in.
 — hank

thank you hank.

no bint isn't nice. it is an unimaginative british insult aimed mainly at women. although in some parts of the country it's used as a term of endearment.

and anyway i'm a touch typer. so a bag on my head would do little more than rob the world of my beauty.

pretty poor quip really. shrug.

kaleidazcope
 — unknown

Whoaaaaa!!!  I wake up to  ^^^^^^^

If you blatantly beg for comments, then nest on your poem clucking back at all comers, you have to expect the odd twat to come along and jiggle some eggs. Perhaps I have watched too much Fawlty Towers but I certainly do not apologise for calling the interfering baggage a bint.  Last night she was a Sybil in the neck - End of Story.

Yours

Unknown Bubblebutt

(The bint even got my name wrong.)
 — unknown

u got ur own name rong
 — unknown

Unknown Bubblebutt, you said it yourself, your a TWAT [only caps would do..]...so two words go out to you :
Get Lost!

Tsssk!
 — WildSymphony

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHH!!!!!

r. i.p. self deprecating humour
 — unknown

I dont feel it makes any sense i think you should write a poem with more warnth
 — unknown

brill
 — unknown

i think you should realize the party is over, even though we all had a great time at the masquerade, it's about time the masks come off. your eyes are wide shut.
 — hank

turtles are boring.
Did you know that a leech has 32 brains?
 — mr_e

leeches suck.
 — noodleman

I know i said i like animals and insects and stuffs but really i agree with noodles, leeches really do suck.
 — WildSymphony

this isn't the best poem i have heard but I thank u for writing one about the pope
 — unknown

that's why they heal so well.

the best poem you heard? who recited it to you?
 — hank

well, i have a lot of repect for the pope and everyhting that happend, we all as a family also lit a candle, and this is all true things, but something about this just doesnt sound like a poem, all it is is just facts.
 — SweetxMemory

sorry if that's all it is to you.
 — unknown

Its an ok poem i suppose, but since i hate the pope and catholics and most other religions, so i can't say its a bad thing hes dead!
 — Dark_Spark

kewl
 — unknown

heey! ur poem is kewl, but how's this?

love is so useless
causes destruction and pain
yet we all need it
 — unknown

not very good.
 — hank

what the fuck
 — unknown

excelent. You never disapoint hank
 — mr_e

thanks mr e
 — hank

i don't like your poem at all : let me give you a few reasons : i support onanism, i don't blame the existence of gay people, i support abortion given the fact that anti-abortion advocates wouldn't give a dime to people to raise the children to come into this world.

a poetic idea on such a person is not worthwhile to me...
 — greenmantle

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