| Absinthian
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themolly
| The first time I mixed with absinthe, I turned green. I've been this way ever since...
| There are some of us on the line. | 1 |
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We receive more. | 2 |
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We hear the ringing all the time. | 3 |
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We cry more. | 4 |
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Stomping softly to the systematic derangement of our senses. | 5 |
Fasting poets on absinthe diets. | 6 |
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We live on the line. | 7 |
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We see more. | 8 |
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It cuts our eyes. | 9 |
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We bleed more. | 10 |
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Even though we don't like the taste, it coats and washes green | 11 |
Everything. | 12 |
Trickles into a hallowed shape, it's renewed | 13 |
Everything | 14 |
a glowing green. | 15 |
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See the line. | 16 |
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Look more. | 17 |
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You're not far behind. | 18 |
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Walk more. | 19 |
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Glowing Green Washing Everything. | 20 |
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7 Apr 05 |
Rated 6.7 (6.1) by 5 users.
Active (5): 9, 10, 10
Inactive (8): 1, 1, 1, 1, 5, 6, 7, 7, 10, 10
(define the words in this poem)
(51 more poems by this author)
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Comments:
nice flow and interesting contrasting ideas ... but the first 3 lines nearly stopped me from reading further : line/time is tired, cliche ...
futher in, much and creative use -> absente invokes absentee, though the knowledgeable will see the absinthe replacment.
Eventhough? or Even though .... I realize we're staggering purposely through this work ... but that's the only jam-together word ... not sure
ah the green goddess
— Bloodfetish
oops. thanks man.
— themolly
If I find out who is going to all my poems, rating them ones, and not commenting, so help me god, I will curse you until your genitals burn and ooze undesirable itchy sebaceous puss. You are a fucking loser.
— themolly
i love this. it captures it perfectly. I dont liek the taste either, but man is absinthe good!
— unknown
altered states are the best places to be, wouldn't you agree?
— themolly
reading this makes me long for Amsterdam. Oh the green world.
— themolly
very interesting
— HeidiHo
It probably captured its sensation accurately because I had been drinking it for about two and a half hours by the time I got down to business with the pencil.
— themolly
y'all are so mean
— unknown
I've never, but now I want to
— BoundFeet
holy shit. what's absineth?
— tiedtoes
Not doing much for me. Reads to me like quasi-goth claiming of a superhuman state of knowledgeability, and I just can't buy that line (quasi-goth on account of the drink being primarily fetishised by that group, in my experience). And once you get past the superhuman cognizance, this doesn't say anything too much.
L20 also seems like a really tacked on ending attempting to bring closing to the piece. It attempts to solidify the idea of greenness as integral to the piece, but the only talk of the colour is through mentioning that word three times and the fact that absinthe is green. You've told me there's green, but haven't shown me. Convince the reader. Incidentally, your header note does a better job of convincing than the poem; I'd suggest working that route instead of the plainly 'mind-expansive' route.
— semaj
Absinthe was the favourite tipple of Paul Verlaine and he was so green that if he'd lived in the nuclear age he would have been considered radio active.I like the construction of this and its unusual colour scheme
— larrylark
thanks Lar
— unknown
Th eideas behind this are comendable... (sp) but there is something, not quite there yet. Have you tried any re-writes?
— 5foot3
I would bet that you had never had more than a thimble of absinthe from this poem.
— unknown
A thimble full will do most well, but on the contrary, I am blushed to admit that I have had FAR too much of the stuff.--the author
— unknown
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