| Reconfigured me
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Isabelle5
| Across his knees, he broke my spine, | 1 |
sipped me with a straw, remarking, | 2 |
"I'm taking what is rightfully mine.” | 3 |
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Across his arms, he broke my legs, | 4 |
invited himself to come inside, | 5 |
rearrange internal accommodations | 6 |
for his use. | 7 |
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He wiped the sweat | 8 |
from my skin | 9 |
as he told me to stand. | 10 |
He wiped the tears from my eyes; | 11 |
he gripped my hands | 12 |
and made me whole. | 13 |
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I walk with him, | 14 |
he blesses me with kisses | 15 |
against dehydrated skin, | 16 |
tells me that my longing | 17 |
for his body is sanctuary, | 18 |
never sin. | 19 |
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He carved himself a private door to me; | 20 |
of his blood and skin, made the only key. | 21 |
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14 Apr 05 |
Rated 7 (8.5) by 2 users.
Active (2): 7, 7
Inactive (2): 10, 10
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Comments:
*damn*
i feel almost religious! i wouldn't change a word
i'd keep it whole and unbroken
to read again and again
— Bloodfetish
I find the violence, the dominance of another, disturbing. An uncomfortable read.
— badger11
It isn't supposed to be about dominance, more of a bit of soul chiropractic re-alignment, Badger.
— Isabelle5
lol Thanks for that. I like your poems.
badge
— unknown
^ for some reason that just doesn't sound like badger to me
— unknown
I was thinking that myself. A Badger wanna be?
— Isabelle5
I've got to ask, is this about God or Jesus or another diety? I just got that impression. Let me know
— themolly
Messiah, a lover, someone who impacted your life greatly like a father or brother figure. Anyone who got inside, helped knock down walls to make you brighter, stronger and more beautiful than ever before.
— Isabelle5
It made me feel a little creepy too...
— Cloudless
true....loves twisted... and always seen differntly from either eye... I liked it for vouching on originality, this shows more emotion then saying "I feel..."
and for some reason the beginning of verse 1 and 2 kind of swells tears... only thing that kind of left me raw though was the ending ... a very cliche....metaphor and you repeated the same thing in line 22 as 4-7 that didnt really increase the meaning or do anything for it....
— sShelled
Well, I think the last comment has a point. I've "reconfigured" the ending and I am much happier with the result, as it says what I meant but didn't say well.
Thanks a lot for that, sShelled. (imc)
— Isabelle5
I was seduced by a great title and then it seems your words. This is so feminine yet not militantly (thank god), you take a commanding stance and make the words play out well.
I would re-word Line 3 to: I'm taking what is rightfully mine'
its a flow thing thats all.
— Caducus
I like the part
'that my longing
for his body is sanctuary,
never sin.'
However, the use of 'broke' did not paint a therapeutic exercise. It connotes destruction and violence. Maybe given the chiropractic metaphor, a better action word can be employed.
(The handful of comments that I try to give. Hopefully they make sense.)
— JoelJosol
Thanks for those comments. I used 'broke" because it makes more sense to me. I broke a finger once but didn't want to move it to help it heal. The doctor said that if I didn't try to bend it, he would have to re-break it in order to have it heal properly. I was thinking along those lines when I wrote this. Broken so that I could be reformed into something more.
— Isabelle5
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