| perfectionist
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william
| You always tweak | 1 |
your poems | 2 |
to death, | 3 |
she told me, | 4 |
and I brushed her hair out of her face, | 5 |
some lint off her shoulder, | 6 |
stood her straighter up, | 7 |
lifted her chin with my finger, | 8 |
and told her | 9 |
I had no idea | 10 |
what she was talking about. | 11 |
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28 Feb 03 |
Rated 8.2 (7.5) by 7 users.
Active (7): 1, 6, 8, 8, 8, 9, 10
Inactive (29): 1, 2, 4, 5, 6, 6, 6, 6, 7, 7, 7, 7, 7, 7, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10
(define the words in this poem)
(34 more poems by this author)
(12 users consider this poem a favorite)
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Comments:
very groovy...
— mtw
coolness.
— to-fly
Splendid... trully. I laughed a good laugh when I read it first, but there is more here than just humor. Romance in the lines. At first read I thought it said "straight up"... second read seemed a bit strange reading it as "straighter up". I never heard it said like that before, but I do know what you mean, straightening posture and all. I am fond of simplicity, natural order, capturing of moments. This poim speaks a casual tongue profoundly.
— FP
definate romance. a definate smile from me. congrats for going beyond cute.
— jade
dug it. hmmm. maybe get rid of "up" at the end of L6, and add a few more stanzas. to be great, I think this needs to expand and go beyond the simple definition-formulaic one stanza thing. I know you can put more into this. Very good what you have but too in your face- needs some subtle senses and moods. Maybe this could be the climax.
— C
Nice, but rather too obvious.
— unknown
Made me laugh. Not bad.
— Moose
simple in a good way!
love!
— starryme
Truly wonderful!!! I love it! I know a couple of perfectionists and this totally made me think of them and their denial! Great Work!
— unknown
indeed splendid.
— username
Short and sweet.
— sarahnade
C, how would adding more stanzas make it better? there are way too many bad poems that would have been awesome if the author had stopped when everything was said. plus, people are impatient. they want short stuff to read. Thats why everyone has read the doctor seuss booksbut many still haven't read Lord of the Rings.
— to-fly
so true
— vita
self realization is always a trip.. portrayed engagingly.
— mtw
I love it!
— heatherS
More engaging as a S&M fantasy than as a poem. Have you seen "Secretary"? This is fairly engaging, I give it a seven (I refuse to give it any higher, because it is sort of lightweight.)
— Moth
love it
8star83
— unknown
light and airy.............................thankgod
— unknown
i love this, and yes, definate secretary airs...
I'll give is an 8 because of it's perfection
but no higher as it is very lightweight..
XxXx
— Minx
nice work
— Adrielle
not quite sure what i liked about this poem, but i loved it...
— AgentA
I saw a father, and a beautiful child, I was a fly on the wall...
smiling, line 8...timeless.
— Ayedorite
lol. but i think you do. that's where the poem is lost. or is it?
great work, but the subtle workings of sarcasm or irony or whatever it is
is not subtle enough. but that depends on whether or not you had intended on it
being subtle. awesome work
— unknown
wonderful.
— restless
Excellent,written by a true control freak
— larrylark
sooo vivid in my mind..... im shaking... very very nice
— meghanmidget
i really like this. it definitely made me smile.
reminds me of a girl i know, too.
— shakeit
Without the comparative in line 7, this poem becomes confusing. I like this for the way it illustrates how one word can make or break -- or tweak -- a poem.
— unknown
haha this rules. Good job.
— InMyBlood
This is imperfect! Like all truly wonderful things are!
— onklcrispy
i would change line 7 to up straighter, it's less confusing.
— sassybnyss
subtle yet intruiging yet evocative. 8
— unknown
Simple, funny, loved it!!! :D
— unknown
SAPPY BASTARD
— unknown
slick
— unknown
made me smile
— Rixes
cute.
— dookie
cool
— lostkid
beautiful, beautiful...so glad that I came across this poem
— slowtesque
to-fly, what can I say? You may be right about the length. I feel I'm right about the up. It seems like a coy play on "standing someone up"/ flaking. Hey, I guess I just appreciated it so much I wanted more. I want our good poems to stand the test of time through giving deeper uniquenesses of ours, but maybe I should enjoy them and the authors here, now, without that concern. (C)
— unknown
No, I guess up gets the rhythm right.
— unknown
nice poem
— unknown
i love it.
— blank
Perfect.
— Infrangible
that's a really nice though.
sweet.
— gears
I find myself attracted to poems with such subtle ideas as this. i really like it.
— MrFetus
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