|Abandoned Rocking Horse
Turbulent air stirs nostrils. Tiny antennae hairs
curl against early dawns unfolding light.
Ahead, left jockeyless in the night,without a friend,
a messed up thoroughbred,hurdler with disrupted
mane and tresses, horse hair matted, body stained
black as molasses, wrenched off his rocker,
saddle stolen, varnish flakes fallen, to remind the pavement
what might have been,if covered against obscene stubs,
spittle, chewing gummed soles, rivulets of pee. An inanely bold grin,
bit between wooden teeth, dull glass eye; he seemed to cry,
"Take me home,I'm a good little horse Don't want to spend
the night alone."I walked past as my vision blurred, causing me
to stumble on a bundle of rags, abandoned doll also off course stirred.
Picked myself up, wiped a tear from my eye. Why did I cry?
A soft voice whispered yet no one was there, "Roundabouts and swings,
all those many things denied. The gift that used to lie
top of your birthday list. Dapple grey pony who would
snort and hiss, walk and talk like Mr. Ed
told bedtime stories as he tucked you up in bed.
Stirred up the cocoa from the bottom of your cup, fly by night ride
as you shrieked for him to stop, through a starlit silvery sky;
his hot breath blowing your sleepy tight curls. Yes! You weep for each
furry cuddly toy you enjoyed, when you were a girl or boy."
20 Apr 05
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i'm glad you went straight into hairs after the first sentence.
the third sentance is very long
the language denser than usual.
furry and cuddly in the last line is putting me off, as the horse till then hadn't seemed either furry or cudly, with it's chips of varnish etc. nor does the furry and cuddly description recall those toys at the top of the list.
i don't know. how is undensify it a little and strengthen the ending. for an unhelpful crit?
I wrote this after stepping between two cars and falling over an abandoned rocking horse on my way up to my local public house. I thought ,"MMMM,This is strange i usually fall over on the way back." As i got to my feet and walked away i heard "Preserve me for posterity...." repeated over and over. Thunder and lightening flashed across the sky and every rocking horse who had ever died hurtled across the heavens. I grabbed a passing neighbour and cried ,"Good god man ,did you just see what I've seen?" "Oh them rocking horses in the sky says he, they they fly past regular as a mantra once a week>" "You don't say." ses I.
"Yep" he replies "Most people never see them cus most people don't ever look up and notice the beauty in the sky."
Larry Ghost riders in the sky Lark
very nice. as soon as i started reading this i couldnt stop. beautiful and complete to the end.
Your comment rocks
Larry of his rocker Lark
Thanks for your as always penetrative crit which i shall consider carefully.
Oh, "The gift that used to lie top of your birthday list", got to me. Started an amazing parade of images in my head. I liked the juxtaposition of the cast aside pony and the childhood dream pony. MMMM
Maybe this poem is OK or maybe it steers towards sentimentality-not sure but i'm glad you liked it.
Larry Banbury Cross Lark
Hope you don't mind if I use this with a photo of an abandoned toy I photographed ... if you do please say and I will remove the poem immediately... Thank you for capturing the mood that hit me when I took the photo...
I feel honoured,use away
Thank you, Larry.
The grass, the grass,
Don't let time pass!
The wind in my mane
And the smell of sweet hay!
The trickling of the creek
And the warmth of the day!
This must be Freedom,
This must be Life,
A world without bindings,
A world without strife.
Keep it this way!
On this wondrous day
neato poem this is. I was lured by the title, loved how it unfolded.
Have you ever heard Chestnut Mare by tThe Byrds. Your poem is an echo to that song
Larry Lassoo Lark
This is one of my own personal favourites among the extensive repertoire wot i wrote
Larry pencil stub Lark