| Soccer Bees
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aforbing
| Carpooling mini-vans | 1 |
herald their arrival, | 2 |
as they descend upon the yet-untouched | 3 |
terrain with Kindergarten chaos. | 4 |
Buzzing about the field, | 5 |
swarming the ground | 6 |
with wanton abandon, their | 7 |
yelps of excitement pierce the crisp | 8 |
Spring air. | 9 |
The soccer bees have landed. | 10 |
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21 Apr 05 |
Rated 8.5 (8.5) by 2 users.
Active (2): 8, 9
Inactive (0):
(define the words in this poem)
(156 more poems by this author)
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Comments:
kick the title
but cute poem
— tragicbubble
What a buzz and all those nice dads politely encouraging from the touchline "Play up play up and play the game"
— larrylark
Oh yes, Larry--you know it.
Soccer Dads RULE.
>>>Tragicbubble: I appreciate what you're saying. Any ideas on something else?
I struggled with what I should call this and you busted me on it.
Good catch!!!
What else would be a good title????
Anyone??? Anyone??? &nb sp;Bueler??
— aforbing
hahaha, 'kick the title'. This is what the professor thinks (I asked him.) GET RID OF THE TRASHY LINE BREAKS. move terrain from line 4 up to 3. move with wanton abandon up to line 6. Move their yelps of excitement pierce the crisp spring air up to line 7. Otherwise it's a really really bad subject that produced a decent poem. I like it it's kind of smily and giggly. :)
Sorry if I always bitch about line breaks; I am not a fan of robot poetry. (anti)Climatic line breaks as I like to call them.
- Zr (and the professor)
— ramher
The title is perfect for this! Soccer bees, which fits because my daughter's team was yellow and black color-wise.
Cute and light, what a relief these days!
— Isabelle5
cute
— bloodytearsx
Out of my love for soccer and the innocent simplicity of children...this is a wonderful poem. I love it.
— whollyYours
Thank you... I made this in honor of a co-worker and his innate desire to be there to support the bumbling uncoordination of his amateur soccer children.
— aforbing
well it's alright
but
yelps?
merry christmas
— chuckle_s
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