| Ego Mirage
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Isabelle5
| His ego proclaimed, | 1 |
“Dive in! I’m deep!” | 2 |
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Off the pier of self preservation, | 3 |
I took a leap. | 4 |
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After breaking my head | 5 |
on the rocks below, | 6 |
I learned I could have | 7 |
plumbed his depths | 8 |
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with the tip of my toe. | 9 |
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28 Apr 05 |
Rated 8.3 (7.7) by 3 users.
Active (3): 7, 9, 9
Inactive (8): 1, 2, 8, 8, 8, 9, 9, 9
(define the words in this poem)
(248 more poems by this author)
(3 users consider this poem a favorite)
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Comments:
heee. i was giggling from the second line.
not sure if i like L9 standing alone-- but the content is super-fab, so form is only second to it.
— youthculture
I like it
— SharonH
Thanks, this one is simple and cute
— unknown
I'm tempted to invent a new word for this: lymricism. This is great. I'd only suggest maybe finding something else for "His ego." Maybe "His Highness"?
— mikkirat
I'll think about that, Mikki, but it was actually a friend's massive ego that made me write this. He thinks he's the best and pretend silence is depth. WRONG!
— Isabelle5
an excellent description of the shallow man ... this should be in the dictionary
you know, the dictionary *smart* people use.
it's brilliant
— Bloodfetish
haha, yeah, smart people after they leap>
— Isabelle5
Awesome!
This poem has struck a chord in me.
Very clever short piece.
— Krttika
i like your poem
— bettalpha
Ahhh...short and sweet.
Yeah, sometimes if we wait a while and get to know people, we find out how shallow and hopeless they are, so we don't have to waste our time.
Sweet!
— dionnefields
Oh, and I was the one that wrote, "Balm in Gilead"...glad you liked it.
— dionnefields
haha cute. very nice very nice. i love L2!
— SweetPain
Great fun, Isabelle, but the rhythm seems off and it's rather wordy.
How about if you pared it down a little - something more like :-
His ego proclaimed,
“Dive in! I’m deep!
From self preservation,
I took a leap.
And broke my head
on the rocks below'
Could have plumbed his depths
with the tip of my toe.
— unknown
Well, I think I need the pier reference, for clarity. It isn't supposed to flow exactly right, think waves, think rocky shore....unexpected headache, etc. A little off balance.
— Isabelle5
mo funny pomes from isabelle! smileees backatcha wummin!
— noodleman
wow, now i really enjoyed this one.......
— unknown
WOW!!! i luv this! short and very cute. well written and i really like the rhyme. great job! :)
— unknown
hahahaaa... i think i dated him!
— thirdeyris
wow, very classy. what a burn!
— bear
very good!
i do think the stanzas could be done a little bit better =]
— SojT
no doubt you saw your own reflection in the mirror-age.
i like it but all the strength in in the last 2 lines.
i agree with the version unknown sketched out.
— unknown
Neat
— unknown
ahah. clever girl! nice small to the pointy point piece. here i find no need for alterations that would improve, only make different. and it isnt necessary.
thank you
ilene
— ilenelush
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